o and i did forget to mention she said the " some times I do wonder whats oput there, what i missed out on when i was with Brian.' all i can say to this my friends is that no the grass is noty greener on the other side and that any relasionship she enters right now will be a rebound at best.
Now it's time to do what you told her. NO contact until next week (at least), and really DO think about what she has told you. She hasn't given up and I think you did the right thing by telling her you need time as well. I think you did very well. No puppy dog there! Stay strong!
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
Someone once told me that the grass isn't greener, it's astroturf! Looks good, looks enticing, but it isn't real!
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
all right folks dont think less of me but i did text her tonight. it turnes out her work check never cleared yet like it was saposed to so we have 30 dollers in our checking account. So all i text was " i checked our bank account and your work check isent pending yet ( she has direct deposit so it shouls automaticly be entered T MIDNIGHT) we have 30 dollers in the account untill it is entered" i guess in my m ind this should not matter as its buisness not personel. I do admitt to you all that im a little worried as her check was going to be in by today. if she has desided to open her own accout im screwed for 10 days untill i get paid. it would also be shitty as she just spent 500 dollers of my last check on her new clothes.
That was strictly business and something that needs attention. It doesn't look as if you're making excuses to contact her. If she has decided to open her own account, she should have given you ample notice to get your affairs straight. Otherwise, she really should pay you back for the money she spent. Are your bills separated?
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
well the wife cslled me today. told me how nice it was i had brought her socks and camera. she then told me that the fact i had told her that i was on the fence right now was a slap in the face. she said she had tried everything for a year and i didnt get better so fo me to give up after a few months was crap. she then asked if i wasted to see other people to see if we would miss eachother.
I told her that if she wanted to see someone else and that would be her disision, to make on her own. the fact that she brought if up seemed to point she wanted to andthat was ok, but i didnt. so if she saw someone else it would be on her terms not ones i provided or justified by saying i would as well.
we then asked about what she thought was the problems in the marrage. she said she felt neglected and disrespected. i told her that i was trying to show that now, and thats what me being on the fence ment. i was working to save our marrage but i was doing it in a way that so far didnt make her any more comfortable. i told her i am take ing this time to think and reavaluate my position and how i can be fair to her and to myselh.
she ened the conversation saying all we can to is try. what a whisy washy responce. so i told her fine lets try to see a movie next week wensday. she said she could maeby make that. again with the whisy washy crap.
i hope i made the right desision about telling her to see other people was her dicision. that is one thing she needs to validat for herself. she seemed top want me to make that a easy out for her by saying " yes we should go out and see othere poeple. I know you guys haver told me to validiat and affirm but thats the one rock i do stand on. cheating is cheating and to do it under the disguise of just testing the waters is cowardly at best. i feel she is doing it anyway and dosent want to feel guily about it. thoughts?
I completely agree. She wants you to tell her it's OK to see other people. That way she can do it (likely she is already) with your blessing. That's a cop-out crock of sh**! She needs to face her own demons, and you are wise to not validate that decision.
Aside from that, I think you really scared her when you said you were on the fence. She doesn't want out of this marriage. If she did, that comment wouldn't bother her at all. I think it was best said ONE TIME. NOW, leave her alone until say Tuesday...you can call and ask about the movie. OR better yet, tell her you have other plans for Wednesday, how about Thursday! Make her wonder. Let her see your GAL. I don't think she's wishy-washy, I think she's non-commital. But, I don't know why unless there's a potential OM that she wants to try out.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
she ened the conversation saying all we can to is try. what a whisy washy responce.
?
I'm confused, Marcum.
the way you recounted the conversation... sounded like she was the one fighting for your marriage, and you were the one being wishy-washy, with all your "i'm on the face... i'm reevaluating my position..." talk.
seems like you're BOTH giving mixed signals. badly.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
Dom i have told her time and time again that i was here for her. after this last weekend to be honest i would not call her back if we were datijg. she has done nothing but give ma a cold shoulder and verbely hit me time and time again.
i should have mentioned that when she did call i explained what me being on a fence ment. i told her I realise that what i have been doing is not working as she seem no more comfortable around me ( in fact less comfortable) then she did when we atarted this process. so i told her me taking a step back was me taking time ro reavalueat what my actions are. no matter what i want to be fair i explained and right now putting her on this whorshiped pedestel was unfair to both of us. i want her as a partner not as a object i cant reach. so i need to find a way to treet her with respect and kindness not puppy dog worship. and she agreed to that. I told her i wanted mothing and look at all the information she has given me. i wanted to realy see what i was told and make my desisions on that and not some head long rush that doomed to fai.
