Bring on the Rain

[SueS]

Oh you all are so wonderful!

LO- I worry about how I'll handle the times that H has D3. I know I'll have to occupy myself to the full extent. I worry too because if he's with OW and her kids, the chances are very likely that D3 will have to contend with OW's 4 kids. How unfair is that? I guess that just means for work in explaining things for me and more love that I'll be fortunate enough to give her.

TAL & Karen- Thanks for coming by. Karen, I'm glad you're doing well. I really am. TAL, you're so sweet. I love it when you stop by.

Saffie & Joie- You are right. The conversation needs to happen soon. The only information I've gotten about any plans have been from OW's husband.....and all the links I've seen that have been sent to H for rentals. I'm sure the conversation will happen very, very soon. The subject has come up the past few days. I had D3 with me tonight when I looked at an apt. I'm sure she'll say something to him too. H's family will be in town this weekend & D3's birthday is next Sat. I want to get those 2 things out of the way. Saffie, in answer to your question. Yes, if worse comes to worse, we do have a place to stay. It would be an inconvenient option as far as my commute to work & D3's school, but still an option. While visiting my aunt & uncle last weekend, we briefly talked about H & I. They offered any assistance they could give, including a place to stay while we "got on our feet". If we still lived in the area we lived in just over a year ago, it would work better. However, we now live on a different side of the city. Still, it is an option and a very appreciated offer.

Do you ever miss someone (a relative or friend) so much sometimes that it hurts? I lost my uncle in 2004 & my grandma in 2006. Both lived here and I was close to both. Both would have been of immense support during these times and it just hurts that they're gone. I miss them both so much.

Journaling...........or should I call it venting tonight.
I went to look at an apartment tonight. When I was driving away, I got really angry. I'm pissed that I feel like I'm forced into this. There's part of me that says that this very well may be the best thing and that there are things that I no longer want to live with that I've lived with for years. But, I'm still hurting. I'm still mad that I'm not in control of this situation. That I'm being forced to find a place to live by the end of the summer. A place without the man that I promised I would love & support for the rest of my life.....and who promised me the same.

I hate coming home and getting on the computer to see that she's been emailing links to rentals that I can only assume because of my conversation with her husband, are for her and H. All close & convenient for her to her work & kids. I hate seeing links to love songs that literally make me want to throw up, smash the computer & then break down crying.

I've been going through all my bills to see what I can afford and to see what I can get paid down as far as possible by the end of the summer. I know that's something a person does anyway, but I hate "having" to do it.

There's a part of me that says......Sue, you need to start looking at the positives. I won't be the one worried at 2:00 am when he's not home. I won't be the one that has to listen to his temper.....and it will come up. But then there's the part that can't forget 17 years together. The CHILD we have together that WE CHOSE to bring into this world. WE CHOSE....not her.

D3's school is closed on Friday. I had asked him a few months ago if he could take 1/2 day & I'd take 1/2 day since I've already used 4 days & my anniversary was only in Jan. He just called & I mentioned it. He said, of course you'll be the one to take it off. I reminded him of our conversation and his response was......well you get 22 days and you won't be going anywhere, why can't you take a full day? Like I'm such a loser that I won't ever use my days. I reminded him of how the past few years I've had to take 3-4 days in just one week because of D3 being sick. I told him to just never mind and I'll just figure things out myself. Turns out all he has to do is change his schedule by 2 measly hours and that he can do it afterall! Selfish A$$!

Well, venting is done!

I need to get some things done tonight! Thanks again everyone!