(((((Friends))))) My, but you have given me a lot to think about! And I will try to give a proper response, as you have taken the time to visit!
Firstly, on the counselling... OK, I am a guy. Kind of stuck in my ways. Blah, Blah, Blah... But, I have run through the EAP site, as well as some other surfing, and it seems pretty likely that despite my protestations to the contrary, I have "symptoms" of something between mild and severe depression. I think I have a pretty good handle on the source, but that doesn't make it go away, does it?! So, I am sticking the EAP phone number in my cell so that I can call when I am not in the middle of cubicle city! Fair or not, I think this is still a case where people who don't need to know, don't need to know!
On a related subject, I am going to commit to getting a lot more exercise. I am going to ride one one of the bikes we already have for now, at least twice a week, and do some pushup and situp type things in the evening. And I will look into other options, too. I have to get my mind cleared, and I think that will help.
As far as my relationship with W goes, the more I think about it, the more I realize it has been disaster for a long time. Many years ago (either between the birth of S20 and S18, or soon after S18 was born) a college friend of W stayed in our house for a time. She remarked even then at how poorly W treated me. W made excuses, and I bought into them. I always have. She went to yelling because she didn't think I listened to anything else, I'm sure. Now I don't listen to that, either. At this point, I have to admit to often not really caring if she is happy or not. That said, I have been trying to do a better job on some of the household things that need to be done, bt I am doing it for me, and not her.
Ali, I get what you are saying about collusion. And at this point, you are probably correct. I am not even sure I would want her to move back to "our" room at this point, I'd just be watiing for her to leave again. And the eggshells would make such a mess. Thinking about his, I am wondering if I just want her to leave? Maybe a C can help me get to the bottom of that, too!
Trasnformer, I understand what you mean about reacting differently. Yelling back would be wuite the change, I am not sure I have ever yelled at her! I think I might go with calmly saying I'm not going to listen to that, and leave. What's the worst thing she can do if she doesn't like it, leave? If I tried the hug, and "beautiful, beloved" thing she would gag! She told (asked?) me some months ago to stop calling her by the pet name I'd used for 23 years. Were you around for the attempt at a kiss thing? No, a hug is a bad plan.
There may be a W in there somewhere, Transformer, but I don't see any obvious evidence. I try to look for it, even, and I can't find it. I'm tired of it, this, her, me.
Thanks so much to all of you! You don't know how much I appreciate each and every one of you!
