W is making her actions speak louder than words. This evening she bought me 2 new shirts, one to wear for our "date" and another to wear at the party with her work colleagues. I tried the shirts on and thanked her for them as they were a good fit. In the good old days W always bought my shirts. Just before lights out she said she was glad I liked the shirts and stroked my forearm, 30 seconds later she was fast asleep.
While I was dozin' her phone goes off, txt message. Ahhgh !!! texts messages after 10.00pm spells danger, or may be not, no point in worrying about it now.
I would say she called because she is "nosy". Or maybe she is feeling the distance. You even said you nor your wife really talk to her anymore. So I am gonna go with "nosy" and/or looking for the "drama".
Now think about this.. if your BF in the world (male) called you and asked you the same series of questions she did. Would you have felt the need to "defend" a answer of no?
I don't care if wife put her up to it. If she did.. in my book you should have sent a clear message that said "That ain't gonna work". If.. If your wife put her up to it. Which I have no reason to believe.
I see nothing wrong with you not forgiving your wife as of yet. Read it again.. NOTHING. I will say you better have it all worked out. Know why you are forgiving. And have some closure on it. Before you ever utter those words. Don't defend it. You have every right to feel the way you do. Does it have to color everything you do? No. You can function and "Do work" while you are figuring it out. The last thing you want it to be is "fake". You have been there and done that, it did not work. You hear me???
I mean lets face it. You were DAM'n when you were talking to her in the first place. I know we seek out the info for the fix. That is not you. I have watched from afar.. and that is not you. Don't let the stupid stuff get in the way. This is one of those things that could come back and bite you. I don't really see that but, I just want you to think. All the time. DB it all. Work, Wife, Random phone calls. The only time you don't have to DB is with your friends. Not the new one but the real ones.
You are doing great Lan. Seriously look back. Look at the response from people here. That is enough. Keep that thinking cap on. I will assure you it will be a long time before you take it off. Which one you want to roll out with DAM or DA Man?
Again keep in mind. I am not beating you up. You did OK here. I just want you to be the best you can be.
^^^^^^
I can't believe I just wrote that.
He** look at the impact this place has had on me. I HATE IT!! I have girly stuff all over me. BAH!!
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
I would say she called because she is "nosy". Or maybe she is feeling the distance. You even said you nor your wife really talk to her anymore. So I am gonna go with "nosy" and/or looking for the "drama".
Think this the real reason for the call, b/f not being fed information from both sides, especially W who has cut down on contact since the start of year, since she stepped back into the M.
I don't touch W phone now it would cause too much trouble. Even when W tries to entrap me by leaving the phone in a room with me, I just shout her and tell her to come and get it. I'll most likely just say someone tried to contact after she fell asleep or say nothing. But really as I typed this I'm not really too concerned cos I've got a good handle on cheating behaviour if it is going on.
Dude a woman buying you shirts? Really? And she said you looked good in them? Are you Ga*? Are you really that whipped?
Sarcasm on
No I'm not Gay, I used to be whipped but I'm alright now.
Sarcasm off
Hey if modelling a couple of shirts and validating W's opinion gets me to where I want to be then why not. I have to look at the positives and see why she is buying the shirts. Hey she wants me to look good for her. I used to fight against this but it got me know where. I accept W's gesture at face value and show my appreciation, this is something that was sadly lacking before. (I've got some unopened shirts from 3 years ago).
And before you think it I'm not beating you up in return.
Lan
PS late night txt was from W b/f, I think she's looking for drama where there in none.
Even when W tries to entrap me by leaving the phone in a room with me, I just shout her and tell her to come and get it. I'll most likely just say someone tried to contact after she fell asleep or say nothing. But really as I typed this I'm not really too concerned cos I've got a good handle on cheating behaviour if it is going on.
Lan, why would she try to entrap you? How do you tell she's cheating? I'm just trying to understand these things in case I need it.
Me-48, W-38 M14, D11, S7 W filed D 01/07 W had to move out 06/07 Current Thread
I guess W thinks old habits die hard, cos I had spent so much time snooping on her cell phone, (cell phones are the source of all information). She's told me she thinks her cell will always be an issue with us but she's said she's not gonna hide it from me. On a couple of occasions she had accused me out of the blue of snooping, so when I did look I found something. The last time she falsely accused me of snooping she gave away a clue, she said the reason she accused me was the cell was on a different menu to where she left it. I don't snoop now cos it would cause too much trouble.
Originally Posted By: fb2
How do (did)you tell she's cheating?
For me it starts with a feeling, instinct, but when I open my eyes there are massive clues left around. Like W distancing herself from me, avoiding eye contact. avoiding physical contact. One example was I used to give W a hug and a kiss before I left for work then all of a sudden she starts moving her head to avoid the kiss, shortly after this I find OM was back on the scene. Then there are the whispered or secret phone calls, when things were going on with OM W was constantly on the phone, not necessarily to him but constant phone calls and everything seemed to be a drama. Then there's the going out, W will tell me where she's going and who with with and I pretty much know her circle of friends, so if she if she avoids telling me then I know its trouble. Then there's late night text messages any text after 10pm was a cause for concern.
At the moment there are no phone calls, no drama and when W is going out she is going out with me. So all is calm for now.
I year ago just after my W filed D and way before she moved out she used to leave her cellphone charging all night in my bedroom. Almost daily there were several short calls from OM at various times of day. I too had felt the distancing and secrecy on various fronts for several months prior to this but trusted her until the D was filed. I felt I had to find out and confirm so as not to misjudge her and I don't regret doing so. I was careful to return it to the state she left it in and never confronted her so she never knew. This was her work cellphone; a few months prior she had asked to add me to my cellphone plan because she did not want to use her work phone for personal calls; if I had I'd have a detailed written trace without having to snoop. Anyway D11 told me some weeks ago that W "does not talk to OM anymore, he's weird and has issues". And as for the instincts and feelings I had a very similar experience as you with kissing her when I left for work and all the other things you list. I tried not to suspect anything before D was filed but one night I had a nightmare she was involved with OM; I guess it was in my subconscious tho' I tried to put it out of my mind.
Me-48, W-38 M14, D11, S7 W filed D 01/07 W had to move out 06/07 Current Thread
Got blindsided again by W b/f, this time in email. I know she's trying to help cos when things looked bleak for me she would say there's no hope with W but don't give up. Now things are looking better she trying to offer me the opposite point of view. Today's gem was "Once someone strays they'll always stray, even thinking about it is straying". Then she went all cryptic, but was basically saying W maybe thinks bout it cos she looking for satisfaction else where. Must admit it did wobble me a bit but I've resisted the temptation to reply to her and I re read Forrrest's last post with these quotes to steady myself.
Originally Posted By: forrest Gump
I would say she called because she is "nosy". Or maybe she is feeling the distance. You even said you nor your wife really talk to her anymore. So I am gonna go with "nosy" and/or looking for the "drama".
so true, definantly looking for the drama cos W not feeding her with it.
Originally Posted By: forrest Gump
I mean lets face it. You were DAM'n when you were talking to her in the first place. I know we seek out the info for the fix. That is not you (now). I have watched from afar.. and that is not you. Don't let the stupid stuff get in the way.
Yep, I try not to talk R with her.
On a positive note I'm on my date with W tonight. Just to remind you, this started off as W being on a night with work colleagues and me separately meeting up with my friends to go to a club. Then W said could I meet up with her for a quick drink before going off to the club. Then when she relised where I was going and who I was meeting up with she asked could she come with me to the club. Now she wants me to meet her for the drink, stay a good while and meet all her work colleagues then the two of us go on to the club on a date. D6 will be with SIL so we don't need to get up early, so there's a possibility of "You know what" but only a small possibility.
Last night W modelled the outfit that she wanted to wear and she looked stunning, I couldn't believe it cos as she was doing a twirl I actually got aroused (the little man woke up) so she still does it for me. The only negative thought was maybe I won't get my hands on any of that but I live in hope.
