Kiki, yeah, that part, interestingly enough, had never stopped. I think it is a way for him to have a connection. It is hard because sometimes I feel like a whore. but if I said no he would stop so and what the hell...I still enjoy it....and he is STILL my H so whatever....
I think if I knew definitively that he was sleeping with someone else I would stop it because I would feel dirty.
When he was home and actively having a sexual R with OW...that was hard because I felt like kicking the [censored] outta him most of the time and didn't want him to even touch me...
Maybe he has sexual hang-ups, I don't know...MLC is so not cut and dry...it is a morph of soooo many things.
I think it is positive that he still finds me sexually attractive---again, that may be a love language for him. OR he may be using me just for sex but I prefer not to think of it that way!
Hugs! V
Aug '06: H moved out July '08: H had a kid with the OW May 12 '09: emancipation day
"Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." -Ferris Bueller
For a few very short months after H left we continued being intimate. I always initiated it. I think he found it a turn on b/c I rarely did this when he was at home. However the last time I tried (Feb 06) he refused me point blank. Then, and only then, did I feel like a whore. I have not tried since. There has been no physical contact of any description between us since then. Oh I lied..... his hand once touched mine as he passed me something. If felt electric to me but he ran so fast it was obviously painful for him. It was the sort of interaction that in a health R wouldn't even have been noticed by either of us as it was incidental touch.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
It is hard when they don't want us anymore physically. Again, this goes to show how everyone and every sitch is not quite the same.
ACJ, I am sorry there is no more physical contact b/w the two of you. Maybe it confused him. Who knows.
Look, I am not going to say that being intimate with him is NOT confusing. It is confusing. Again, if I KNEW he was intimate with someone else now that he is gone from home, I doubt that I would even let him touch me. However, I don't know that...so I just go with the flow.
ACJ and Kiki, it is hard to have that intimacy when you KNOW he is being intimate with someone else. I don't know how I did it in the first place...I think it was the newness and having NO IDEA what was going on...In retrospect, I don;t know if I would have been that way.
This is all very confusing ladies and again, everyone's sitch is different. BUT I am holding on to that piece of contact with him until I don't feel good about it anymore...
Aug '06: H moved out July '08: H had a kid with the OW May 12 '09: emancipation day
"Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." -Ferris Bueller
BUT I am holding on to that piece of contact with him until I don't feel good about it anymore...
I for one think you are doing the right thing. I can quite categorically say that when H rejected my advances that the dynamics in our R changed beyond recognition and I think that is why he is now totally lost to me. Keep that connection Val it is so important.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
I TRIED THAT ADVANCES IN 2006 AND HE FINALLY REJECTED ME AND HE HASNT TOUCHED ME AGAIN EVEN THO HES BEEN HOME SINCE JULY
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
I think your sitch is different than mine...what am I saying? None of our sitch's are cookie cutter!!!
ONly your H really knows why he pushes away from you. Guilt? shame? who knows...be patient with him...your H is at home...mine NEVER talks about coming home.
None of them do it step-by-step---whatever that means.
Just hang in there...your H has issues with the OW and her clinginess...I am not sure if my H even has OW now...maybe he needs to finish with that first. just a thought...
Just keep doing what you're doing. Piecing is hard...no one knows better than you...you know that the REAL work has begun...
Hugs sweets, I know this has been hard for you....
Valentine
Aug '06: H moved out July '08: H had a kid with the OW May 12 '09: emancipation day
"Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." -Ferris Bueller
