Saw my counselor yesterday. I'll just summarize what she and I came to understand in another post later.
One thing that sticks in my mind that I want to put out there to others. We talked about her (and my) ability to be in a supportive, nurturing, loving relationship. I was saying that W's statement that "I wouldn't let her love me" has bothered me because I love HER, even NOW and I can't see how someone can STOP you from loving them. How could I stop her?
Counselor said to take a moment and look at her relationship with our D12 and D17. They have grown and become more independent and as a result she gets more rejection from them and complains to me that "D17 doesn't like me right now". This is not true at all. D17 loves her mom and wants her to spend time with her when she SAYS she will. I mean, we all know that a teenager will reject your authority, but inside, they want you to love them and spend time with them. They just make it harder to do.
It was easy when D17 was 10 years old, but now it's more like dealing with a picky 'adult'.
Which, for whatever reason, W cannot deal with.
Counselor pointed out that the kids KNOW dad has had problems, stress, anxiety, alcohol. Yet even they know to come to me for real adult advice about life.
One other thing, W is telling them she loves them, but the message they are getting is that she'll 'love them' until they become too difficult to love, then she'll abandon them.
I'll write more later.
By the way, the Lexapro REALLY works. Kinda kills your sex drive but right now that's not a bad thing.
