Help me act AS IF, Thread 4

[newnamenewlife]

Thanks, CW. I'm so torn about spending time as a family or letting H come to our house and garden, work in the basement, kiss the kids goodnight--which is what he envisions once he moves out.

I think it would be very confusing for the kids--and upsetting for me. They miss him when he goes to chorus rehearsal one night a week and gets home late. Having him say goodnight and then leave to go to his own apt would not make them happy.

I see so much pain and sadness for my kids, given that we are a mostly-happy and close-knit family. It's hard for me to get beyond where I'm at now, wanting to prevent H from moving out at all. It has now been 5 months since he dropped the IDLYA bomb and I STILL can't accept that this is really going to happen.

I've also been reading about how divorce among low-conflict couples is harder on kids than when high-conflict marriages end. The rug is just going to be pulled out from under them and it scares me. As I've mentioned before, my D11 is already quite fragile these days and going to a new, high-pressure school next year. I worry a lot about how this will affect her.