When we were leaving is when he said their relationship was not what I had built up in my head. He said... their "friendship" was never deep. He said she was just always someone to talk to and it was always very shallow. He said they never talked about anything important...
Now, I know MWD tells us not to believe any of what we hear, BUT she does say to really listen to what our WAS is saying.
Your H says it's not the big romance you're imagining it to be. IOW, he's saying to you that he does NOT love OW. They shared decent conversation, but again, he does not love her and very possibly feels like it could never be anything more (looking at your signature line, he realized his mistake). This is your reassurance along with the hug and kiss he gave you at the end of the night. Seems that H is willingly giving you the reassurance you need.
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...but I still find myself questioning if I am as much fun to be around as her. I am pretty quiet and she is very outgoing and talkative and I think that is what drew H to her (she is a radio dj )
I am the same way and had the very same fears. I've always been extremely quiet, even shy, until I warm up to people. Then I'll come out of my shell, but just a little. OW in my sitch was very outgoing and had a career, so I'm sure she had lots to talk about whereas I didn't. My days revolved around the kids, their activities, and things that had to be done around the house. Nothing mysterious or intriguing about that!
In my sitch, I've just had to learn again to work with what I've got and what no one else has - my DB skills and the knowledge of my H's LLs. DBing is what helped bring my H back home to me, and filling his love tank with AOS and WOA results in H refueling mine with QT and PT. I'm finding that the more we show each other our love, conversation comes more easily, and we talk about anything. Movies recently seen, sports, news, his day, my day, vacations we want to plan for....whatever's on our minds. This is fun for H and me; we're enjoying being around one another and giving ourselves stuff to look forward to.
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I am really trying to be patient. The thing is that if his phone had been in his pocket and I never knew she was calling things would have been great.
Things seem to be going great, then suddenly take a nosedive when the threat returns and rears its ugly head. Immediate crash and burn. It crushes hope and hurts like he**, I know it. But try to remember, you got through the rest of that evening with your H, and with his help, his reassurances. There's your spark of hope. It's still breathing.
Pick yourself up, dust off your clothes, know that you can get through this. You are strong and with time, love, and patience, you can make it work.
Hope you're feeling much better today.
Last edited by GoingForward; 03/19/0805:48 PM.
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
OW in my sitch was very outgoing and had a career, so I'm sure she had lots to talk about whereas I didn't. My days revolved around the kids, their activities, and things that had to be done around the house. Nothing mysterious or intriguing about that! 
