Exposure is controversial (at least on this board), even though many books have been written on the subject and tens of thousands of marriages have been saved by it. Personally, I'm a big believer, and it worked for me. Your wife WILL be livid, and short-term, it may get WORSE before it gets better.
Oh, and you also have no GUARANTEE that it WILL get better.
But allowing her to continue, in front of your kids, and emasculate you and possibly squander marital assets . . . how long can that be healthy?
I let my adult daughters know, and my parents/siblings and my in-law parents/siblings, and OM's parents. My S14 I told in an age-appropriate way that "Mommy has a boyfriend, and it's not right that married people have boyfriends and girlfriends, and I've told her that it has to stop, and she refuses, so that makes Daddy angry, and we're working on it." Eleven is probably too young for even that, altho some disagree.
Confrontation and exposure in and of itself won't SOLVE, anything. You still have to DB, and GAL and do all of the other things to make you the more attractive option and to get your own head right. But WITHOUT ending the affair, your wife won't even be open to receiving you, as she becomes more and more addicted to the affair.
