Good job in busting up her affair!!! You handled it beautifully, and it sounds like you have your wife's respect now, and that's why she's responding to you.
Although my wife was LIVID with me at the time, she told me after her affair was over that she APPRECIATED how I fought for her, and how she respected me for it. I just don't understand why some people can't see that.
Thanks Puppy Dog. I appreciate the compliment. I must admit, I hated doing the exposure. It's probably why I waited almost 3 months before exposing. I really didn't want to hurt her, but her actions with OM became so brazen I needed to either end the affair or the marriage, and I was prepared for either.
I think what made me decide to expose was one day OM came to our town and WW took off for the day....again. DS15 got up (late, he's a teen afterall) and asked where mom was. I told him I didn't know. He sent her a text that said "Hey, this is your son, remember me? When do you plan on staying home and spending some time with me instead of taking off all the time".
I thought for sure that would wake her up, but the next weekend she took off to spend it with OM. I decided right then to expose. If my marriage ended, at least DS would get to spend everyother weekend with his mom.
I know some people may question why I waited to tell OMW about the STD and I just want everyone to know that a few days after I first exposed to her I told her I would strongly recommend she get tested as I was going to do the same thing. She said she probably should as who knows what OM had brought home to her after all his affairs, so I left it at that. I wanted to have the STD in my back pocket as kind of a last resort if I needed it. If exposure to OMW didn't work, I could always use that. I think OM realized it was over after exposure to OMW, but in WW's mind, it wasn't over, and my counselor told me she would never begin to come back to the marriage until it was over in her mind. That's when I decided to play my card.
It's funny you say having her respect is what is drawing her back. Right after we relocated for work I had a difficult personnel issue to deal with at work. I'm a manager in an area office and one of the guys who works for me was not performing and we (myself and my boss) were going through the process of either demoting or firing this guy. For anyone who's gone through it, it's not a fun thing, I don't care how many times you have to do it. Anyway, I would go home after a loooooooonnnnnnngggggg day at work and vent to WW about how difficult of a situation it was and a couple times she said "man up"! Fast forward to after finding out about the affair last Sept and my not immediately kicking her out and allowing her to go away to see him every other weekend, I think she did lose some respect for me. She even made the comment that I was a coward for calling OMW when I should have called OM. Now I'm pretty sure that comment came straight from OM, but it was probably another piece of her not respecting me.
But things started changing the night she said she wanted a divorce. She wanted us to do it as "friends" for the kids sake. I told her that night, I would not help her with the divorce, if she wanted to file I couldn't stop her, but I would get a lawyer, counter sue on the grounds of adultery and fight for my rights, including custody of our son as he needs a stable household and she wasn't stable right now. I also told her I wouldn't lie to the kids and would tell them the EXACT reason we were divorcing. I started the LRT that night without knowing what it was and then a couple weeks later bought DR and started following it. I started going out (always looking nice and fresh with aftershave) either by myself or with one of the guys who works for me. I quit telling her I loved her, quit telling her good night, quit asking how her day was, basically quit acting like I cared what she did. I took DS15 to the UP of Mich for a long weekend and didn't call her once. I just was gone for a week for work and didn't call her once. And lo and behold, when I got back from the work trip last weekend, she really started to come around. She had started before last week, but on Sunday this week, she was like a different person.
I think she's beginning to figure it out. I know she's still fog bound, but we're getting there. I've been working on the things I know bug her about me since Sept and I finally think she's recognizing that I'm not as bad as the martial rewrite she did. I know we've got a long way to go, but with her saying she's staying for "at least" two more years (until DS graduates H.S.) I figure she'll be close to fog-free by summer. And at least it's pleasant at home now.
I hope my WW is like yours and that she appreciates how I fought for her. She doesn't see it now, but hopefully in the future she will.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
But things started changing the night she said she wanted a divorce. She wanted us to do it as "friends" for the kids sake. I told her that night, I would not help her with the divorce, if she wanted to file I couldn't stop her, but I would get a lawyer, counter sue on the grounds of adultery and fight for my rights, including custody of our son as he needs a stable household and she wasn't stable right now. I also told her I wouldn't lie to the kids and would tell them the EXACT reason we were divorcing. I started the LRT that night without knowing what it was and then a couple weeks later bought DR and started following it. I started going out (always looking nice and fresh with aftershave) either by myself or with one of the guys who works for me. I quit telling her I loved her, quit telling her good night, quit asking how her day was, basically quit acting like I cared what she did. I took DS15 to the UP of Mich for a long weekend and didn't call her once. I just was gone for a week for work and didn't call her once. And lo and behold, when I got back from the work trip last weekend, she really started to come around. She had started before last week, but on Sunday this week, she was like a different person.
Good lord, we could use some of that fresh air and thinking on the Infidelity board -- c'mon over!!!!
