This is exactly why Retrouvaille does work. Piecing by yourselves at home is a minefield. The outside world intrudes on you and affects your thinking. Retrouvaille is a safe place that you go to, removed from the outside world -- no friends, no business, no deadlines, etc. (You can bring your cellphones, but it's best to use it as little as possible.)
It is 2 uninterrupted days of focusing on what is important to each of you in the marriage. And talking to each other about those things. Truth is, our lives are so interrrupted by outside things, we never have a chance to be really quiet and think for ourselves. This is a 48 hour chance to do that.
And the presenters give you questions to think about. They even teach you how to frame questions for yourselves, avoiding the pitfall of negative thinking. Because we all have a little voice inside us that thinks we will fail, and advises us to give up.
The forces inside and outside of ourselves that influence us need to be quieted so you can really get in touch with what you want. Now this isn't a guarantee that you will both end up saying what you want is the marriage. But is does give you the chance to think the questions over in a productive setting. And if she has said it before, I would think she will come to that conclusion again.
My husband and I were not thinking reconciliation when we walked in the door to Retrouvaille. We were looking for a way to call a truce and just end hostilities. But when we quieted down and looked inside, we found the same people we were 28 years ago when we got married. And those people loved each other. Funny how we lost them along the way!
