Wandering Poster - Number Nine

[AliSuddenly]

I really really think you should get into counselling, ASAP. Especidally if you are feeling in a rut and you did say on your last thread, you were possibly even depressed.

I also think you should look at (before, or with a C) the "role" you each play. Your W has been shouting for years...for years you have either ignored it (?) or now, walked away.

What would she do if you stopped playing the role she expects or you have put yourself in...what if you stood there and cried? Show her how sad and beat you are by her unloving and anger? What if you shouted back at her? If this is the only language that she understands? Why not shout at her? What would she do?

You need to take responsibility for part of the stalemate. Every time I read your sitch, its the same old same old, nothing changes...but you have to look at how you may be colluding with her to make this the case. I think collusion is the right word. Look it up on Google, collusion in Rs...its about being stuck in roles for one another. So...if you are having trouble seeing the wood for the trees, go ring that EAP programme today!!

I hope this helps, you spend so much time thinking about and helping others here...you need to spend time helping yourself!? And the no exercise is (like me) making excuses. Its hard to break habits of a lifetime. But if you are in a rut and unhappy you have to do something. You could even just order some sort of exercise DVD and do that at home...you dont have to drive miles (I get the impression options are limited where you live!?). You could ask your W to join in, see what she says?

If you dont change, nothing ever changes...

Ali xxx
PS: Sorry if I sound a bit harsh! I just really want to help. I sense you need a seismic shift. I have been doing alot of reading since yesterday about Venus-Pluto people (my BF). Its about destruction, annihiliation, death and rebirth. Like nuclear war. Then I look at your sitch and what you have had is a kind of slow painful death. You need to breathe life into it! I hope I dont speak out of turn, I want to say something useful..

Thinking of you with those test results still not in ((((Jeff))))