You need to focus on you and the kids right now. There is very little you can do to change you fogged out wife's mind right now. The only thing you can do (IMHO) is to try to bust up the affair. Exposure is the tool I used, and has worked for many people. This doesn't work for everyone, but you have a choice here. Let your wife continue to cake eat, or try to fight to get her back. Your marriage will not survive with a 3rd person in it.
By the way, I wouldn't put much stock in what she says about you and your marriage to her. She is completely under the influence of an addictive substance... the affair.
