H is having affair after all

[Evie]

Jen, 25yes, Sara, Saffie - Thank you for your reassurances and positivities, you girls are my salvation at the moment. The gossip has died down now, however i have no one to talk to as tehy all suggest the D route, i don't know of anyone who has survived an affair.

Saffie - your help would be much appreciated, why didn't i think of asking you before?

The C had all the relevant qualifications i wanted, is a CBT and when i spoke on the phone to her and when i saw her i said to her that a reconciliation was what i hoped for and she said she could help. Last night I came away feeling low, she kept saying she sensed how strong i was and she asked me what was stopping me from moving on and I did say it was because i still loved him and was committed to him and D was not what I wanted, she just kept saying 'even after the way he has treated you?'

Last night I wanted answers as to why H was so angry with me and why she thought he couldn't let go and why he hadn't made a clean break? i suggested MLC and childhood issues but those suggestions were not explored further as she said without him there she didn't know! I don't want him in c with me and anyway he wouldn't go. She said she thought he was threatening D but just couldn't do that b/c he is so used to me making teh decisions. No it Jen it wasn't relate, didn't like them either, however i prefer to talk than to read, the written word doesn't stick that well.

Am i being niaive? In my heart i have hope in my head i don't.
25- I can live alone im not afraid of that i don't think, emotionally i have been on my own for years, physically 6 months, but i am finding it hard to accept that it is over. I can do the GAL and PMA, but i am in denial, i cannot believe what we had is over yet.

I hope that with no contact for now H will as you all suggested he might look more into himself for answers, however, maybe he is already clear in his own mind that it is over?

Also something else that came to mind - should i get my health tested out? i don't know if h practised safe sex and his affair would have overlapped with us ML or should I ask him outright if he thinks I should get myself tested and add another implication for him to think about?

Thanks girls, i love you all, thank you for reading and helping me.

xxx Evie XX