MLC or WAS ??? 2yrs on.

[jmw]

Well H made contact to S19 again, sent a txt just to say that
he loved him.

He must of been thinking about him, good, about time.

[jmw]

My Goodness, what is happening ???

MIL has become friendly again, I do not understand, this time last year she wouldn't have spared me the time of day, my sons were "out of order" for not speaking to their father,( H never contacted them, He told his mum he rang them regularly but they wouldn't talk to him) she didn't believe her grandsons, she believed her son (H) was the victim.

Why the sudden change of heart ?? I ask myself.
She phoned to pass on some family news, a birth.

[jmw]

Time to get off this rollercoaster.

I have seen no changes, H is acting exactly the same as he was 2 years ago.

I accept that MLCers have a difficult time caring about anyone but themselves, but I do believe that they choose to be mean, that they choose the way they are going to communicate or not.

H has made it clear that he doesn't want to be in my life, he has made it clear that he doesn't want me to play any part in his.
H has chosen to have a superficial, occasional relationship with our eldest S19 & a non existant relationship with S16.

H chooses to ignore me, H chooses to object to every proposal connected with the financial settlement. I would like to think it is because he is stalling, but I'm afraid to say it is because he is out to gain the maximum ammount of funds from our assets.
H is heavily in debt and still spending by all accounts, he doesn't pay any maintainance towards the family home, sons or their full time education. His large professional income has just dissolved for the past 2 years with nothing to show for it.
Despite all this H somehow feels I have had everything my own way.

We have a son with medical problems who has spent the last 2 years attending hospital frequently and receiving medication for crisis after crisis, yet each time I have informed H of such he chooses to ignore me, he just doesn't acknowledge anything.

All this is why I have to get off this rollercoaster, H has made choices, cruel choices, he has walked away leaving a mess behind him and as time passes I am becoming to realise that he wanted this, he is intelligent and makes professional descisions each day, he has studied the effects of divorce he is knowledgable.
H filed, in jan 07, my unreasonable behaviour, the best he could come up with was I was jealous ( yep, I had the nerve to question a note informing me of his extra marital affairs )
The divorce goes to court in just a few weeks for the final hearing, that will be it I will no longer be married.

HE KNOWS WHAT HE IS DOING, I'M SURE OF IT.

[jmw]

TODAY I RECEIVED CONFIRMATION THAT H KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT HE IS
DOING.

MLCer maybe, but a cruel one at that, he is a bitter, control freak. H started D proceedings and is doing his upmost to make it the most costly proceedure ever.
He must be receiving some advice, because he is an intelligent man, he knows this is not the way to do things, so he must have his reasons, he is out for the kill, he wants to take it all, he doesn't care about me or either of his sons, he is prepared to take everything away from us all.
He is not providing information ordered by the court, and apparently it wont matter, I am frightened, in his mind I deserve all this.

[jmw]

I've read time over that the MLCer will petition for divorce but drag their feet through the whole process.

Any ideas as to why they do this.

H filed claims to have wanted a quick divorce, sort everything as soon as possible. This was 18 months ago.
I have just been informed that yet again he has failed to provide his L with information needed so that we can proceed.

We are 6 months behind just because H has stalled proceedings at every point.
Not agreed to valuations, not provided info, come up with new questions, late at court hearing, not prepared at court hearing.

If anyone has any ideas as to why he is acting this way I would appreciate your input.

[jmw]

Just thought I'd write a quick update as a means of venting.

H has dragged his feet so much that the court date has now had to be adjourned, we have been unable to get everything together.

Frustating because although I didn't want this divorce or ask for it, every day that the proceeding are delayed the cost rises.
The only people who will gain are the lawyers.

I don't think he is delaying because he is having 2nd thoughts, there are no signs of that, I do feel he has become so cynical and untrusting that he doesn't want to offer the information that is required of him.

I know I shouldn't speculate, to me the negotiations seem simple, get everything valued, offer these valuations to the lawyers, negotiate a fair split, The End.

I don't understand what H is looking for in having everything re valued, he doesn't even trust professionals that we have dealt with for years, he is going to be so disapointed when the repeat valuations come out the same.

[ACJ]

JMW,
As you know I can't give you the answers you are looking for (unfortunately) BUT what I can do is reassure you that YOU are doing everything just right. Keep on being true to yourself and your sons. Your H (like mine) is a lost soul right now. Concentrate on those whose souls are alive and receptive to your love.

[jmw]

Just Journaling,

Leave people alone long enough and they eventually reveal their true colours and trip themselves up.

I really do believe in this, all the anger directed towards me, all the accusations were to distract the attention away from himself.

As we begin to eventually exchange our finacial details, it would become apparent that whilst I have been upfront and laid all my cards on the table, H has been holding back and not playing with a full pack.

I don't know why H has even attempted to get away with this, has he forgotten how much attention I pay to detail.

He is living a secret life, we do not know where he lives, we do not know how he spends his time and who with, we do not know how he manages to spend so much money.

I do not need to know about his life, I dont have an interest in his life, but I would like to know what he does with his money. He earns a hefty salary and it is now apparent that he is spending way beyond his means.

Double Life ?
Other Family ?
Gambling ?

I need this expenditure to be revealed, his spending is a symptom, but I'm not sure what the underlying condition is, I'm sure as time goes on H will reveal more & more.

[jmw]

Circles, circles, we just go round in circles.

MIL visited today, she asked S16 why he doesn't answer his phone when H rings, S16 then told her that H doesn't ring, she then said he does and he sends you text messages. S16 then told her no he doesn't, I have my phone on and with me all the time, my dad never rings me or asks about me, if he has told you he does then he is lieing.

It's de ja vous, seem to remember the same conversation approximatly 12 months ago.

I understand what is happening, H is playing the victim, deflecting from his own failures, passing blame, eliminating himself from the problem - the problem being that H has allowed his relationship with his sons deteriorate to a state where there is now no means of communication, and H is unable to take the step to build a bridge between them.

I feel sad for MIL, I think deep down she knows the truth, she just doesn't want to believe it.

[ACJ]

I understand how you feel about your MIL. Maybe if your MIL is ever brave enough to step outside the box H will have to face all that he has done. I know my MIL will never do this and I suspect from what you've said about yours that she won't either. It's a shame b/c I'm pretty certain that neither of them brought thier sons up to have the morals they are currently exhibiting.