My wife and I have been married 11 years and have 3 children. I found out three weeks ago that she is having an affair. I've had my suspicions dating back 5 months ever since her "I love you but I don't love you anymore" speech. For five months, the things she was telling me didn't add up. She's a full-time student but she spent way too much time out studying with her friend Debbie. Of course, I trusted her. But I had my suspicions. When I look back, all the signs were there. I finally found out about the affair after a couple of days of her pushing for separation. The reasons she wanted it so badly didn't seem to justify something drastic as that. Finally, I said "I will not blow up. I will not do anything drastic. Just let me know the truth." She first admitted to an affair a year ago with a coworker. I felt relieved for some reason. I wasn't crazy! But somehow I knew that wasn't the whole story. So I pushed again to know the full truth. Then she dropped the bomb. She's been having a full-blown affair with her classmate. The first affair she says made it so much easier to get into the second one.

So far from three weeks until now, her mind hasn't changed. She wants to be separated and she plans to continue seeing the other guy.

We've gone to counseling after the first week of her admission. That was the first and only time together. I've gone alone the last two sessions. I granted her her freedom during the first week I found out but I've been having a tough time dealing with the whole thing. I'm lousy at "detaching." It's been a wild roller-coaster ride. Emotionally it's been draining. She has been brazen about coming home late from the other guy's house. She has been honest about where she goes and there's a certain openness with her activities but it's tough to take. The kids look for her all the time. I just tell them she's out studying.

We still live under the same roof. We sometimes share the same bed. Other times, I sleep on the couch or in a sleeping bag on the floor of the kids' room. My wife and I sometimes have moments of tenderness. We sometimes get intimate (with protection) but have not been lately. Yes, she's been having her cake and eat it too.

So far I feel she hasn't felt any repercussions or consequences from her affair. I have maintained civility for the sake of the kids and for sanity in our lives. Yes, she's been experiencing difficulty with school but that's a result of her being preoccupied with extracurricular activities. She says that since the other guy found out that I know, he wants to be just friends and they're not intimate anymore, which I'm having a hard time believing since she's there almost every night, "studying." He's seeing another girl who lives with her boyfriend and won't leave him for him. So the guys' relationship with my wife is basically giving to each other what they don't get from their primary relationships. When I said I could give her all those things, she said she doesn't doubt it but she's just in too deep with this guy. She's not ready to give him up.

She's clarified, however, that if it doesn't work out with this guy, she wouldn't want to get back with me and would like to continue dating.

This spring break, which is this coming weekend, she plans to go on a trip with the other guy. I don't know how to handle it when the time comes. What do I do?

I still love her and would like very much for her to come to her senses and realize the gravity of her wrongdoing, get right with God, and hopefully come back to me, and get on with the healing our marriage.

I realize I may have neglected her the past few years of our marriage but part of it was I picked up the slack and devoted time to raising the kids while she went to school full-time. That was our agreement. Oh if I could only turn back the hands of time.