Long and Winding road

[soxfan2007]

I'm on Spring break, so I've been away from the site for a while.

I'd love to help with a solution journal, although right now I feel like I'm at the end of my rope and wouldn't be much help.

I figured it out on the way home today. I was trying to think of a way to talk to H about things differently and playing things out in my head. I kept coming back with the same old responses from him. In the past he would suggest I needed meds and say that I was depressed- which looking back on things I probably was- but the week after he moved out, I was a different person- and a month later my C told me I would be nuts to think I needed meds. But now I feel like that old me again- where if I bring up things, H will suggest meds again, so it got me thinking---- does his behavior cause a depressive reaction in me. Probably.

I can't focus, I can't stay organized, I can't seem to get things done anymore, I feel overwhelmed and exhausted and like a headless chicken everyday--- DESPITE having less things to do and "his help" on other things. How does that make sense?

When he moved out and I had the kids 1/2 the time alone, I still worked 2 jobs (better at both than now too), kept a clean and organized house, saved money and competed a master's degree.

Now he's back, he "helps" with the laundery and the dishes, I'm done with my masters, and yet I can't keep appointments straight, the house is amess and I feel like crap.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm

So, not sure how I'm doing, but I'm ready to tell H that I am done living like this. That it doesn't help when he empties the dishwasher and then I have to spend 20 minutes looking for the chopper. Or when he does laundry and my clothes end up missing (3 shirts and I have no socks), or when he folds clothes so now I have to spend time ironing out creases in clothes that should have been hung and refolding my other clothes to fit in the drawers or giving D the clothes of mine he shrinks (so now I have to spend more money and buy new clothes with time I don't have). How does that help? I don't know. I waste so much time now redoing what he does that I can't do what i need to do. It would have been easier and faster for me to do it all in the first place- but then he gets mad because I do it all and he wants to help.

Well, I'm reading to tell him to stop helping. But how the hell do I do that when he thinks he's helping?????????????

But I do know I can't go on like this again.