CAGZ new YEAR - (meredith your 5 years motivated)

[tpaschal]

Oh Kissak, I wish I had an answer for you. I think that one day it just all kind of clicked for me. My best guess as to why that happened is that I was finally loving myself. Once that happened I had more love for my H than I could have imagined. This time, though, it wasn't the kind of love that caused me pain. And yes, that meant being able to let him go if it meant that he would be happier. I am not saying that it didn't hurt, but overall I did feel good about having that kind of unconditional love.

My best advice is don't say those words if you don't truly mean them. And it is ok if you just don't mean them right now. It is a process. All of this is.

Pam,

Wow. I WANT to be there, I WANT to love myself enough and be sure enough in myself to love him enough to truly let him go. I know I'm NOT there yet, but I want to be.

<control freak alert> How long??? How long for me to love me? How long before the "faking it" become "making it?"


In another post you said:

Cagz, this is such a departure from who I once was. The old me would have gladly held him hostage if it meant my life didn't have to change and people didn't need to know that my H didn't love me. I am really ashamed to admit that, but it is true.

Oy. This must be a control freak thing. Cause I SOOOO relate to this. I have a huge fear of change.

Pam, I understand your hesitance to give anyone false hope, but your last few posts have really spoken to me. Thanks.