I think that when they truly feel that you have let go they can finally begin to open up. It is not as scary anymore because nothing is expected of them. My H was afraid to talk to me when I was in "have to save this marriage" mode because he could almost see the wheels in my brain turning each time he said something to me. I was like a robot: "He said this. Fix that. Check." It wasn't who I really was...I was just constantly trying to "fix."
When I let go I finally began to truly listen for the first time. I didn't try to fix- I just worked with him the best I could. He started to feel a lot more comfortable with me, and he began sharing more.
I see you struggling with this stuff on your own thread, Jeannette. I know you want to know "why now???" I can't answer to that because I am not resentful because of all of this. I am thankful. It sucked, and it hurt, but it made me a better person. Why now? Why not?
I hope that doesn't sound trite. I am just so at peace that things will work out..whichever way they need to. For right now, I am enjoying getting to know my H again. This is the first time I was willing to take it slow. I wish I could have seen the benefit of this a long time ago! I guess I had to lose everything to stop holding on so freaking tight, though.
