Its been a rough couple of days. H is definately going dark on me (only texting/calling if its kid related). In turn I have done the same. I miss my friend, but still relish the space I have received.
Today I went to the funeral for a friend of mine. While driving from the funeral to work, in the pouring rain, lost (major highway closed in StL), missing my friend....H calls....I pick up because I knew it was the girls. I kept it together talking to them but lost it when H got on. I think I shocked him because I have held it together for three weeks. He quietly helped me get to work, and texted later about stuff about the house/kids. His way of checking on me. Yes, H, your crazy W is ok.
I am learning to not set myself up. I honestly thought H would check on me throughout these first weeks. Not once. Not even a condolence when he discovered my friend died. I am learning to not expect even a minimum. My fault, won't happen again.
Props to H on many things though: not complaining once about his drive to and from to see the girls, keeping the house totally clean (even my laundry) while he is there, keeping the house up and running (repairs), putting the girls first (letting me pick up D3 from school on "his" day because she asked for me). He is doing his best. I am doing my best. We just aren't doing it together. He is lost, he is angry at me for my failings in the M, he is angry at himself for what he has done. He is a mess. I do NOT regret finally getting him out of the house. I am not afraid of the future, except for praying my kids adjust to whatever change is coming.
