Jeez, Sue, that's great. Seems like the groundhog is peeking his head of his hole a bit more these days. Naturally, going with him to see his mom is yet another opportunity to be with him...and try and "reach" his love language...bring him around even more...
Good news...
Now, let's see. He's "initiated" the last couple of things with you, right? Do you feel like you might be able to ask him over for pizza or something soon? Or, to perhaps see a movie? You know, something "non-threatening/non-pursuit-like." Hmmm...
How to go from cloud nine to cloud 0 in a few hours..had dinner with my sister..we started talking about things..got on subject of h and I, I again hashed over how hurt I feel that relatives were calling her and telling her things about seeing him with ff...I told her that they don't know the whole truth of the r he had..I know that I have a hard time calling what he did have an "a"..it was a r, but never anything romantic..he was there for her...probably it was not the right way to handle things..but my sister insists that the people that told her they saw him..and assumed things would not lie..that many many people assumed things along time ago...that most normal people would do the same thing(call a relative and tell them what they see or hear)..I said I hope I won't do that, as you don't know the whole truth of what you are seeing..if you tell me that you saw my h hanging all over her, then I might wonder about what he has told me, but you say people saw them out togehter..I know they went out..they went after meetings..after bowling..he did not hide that from me.She said these people don't want to see me look stupid..be taken for a fool..have h hurt me...but they told her these things long before we ever said a word to anyone about any troubles..doesn't that hurt? She said if I saw a male and female out and knew one or both were m, I would wonder what was going on..I said why do you think "something" has to be going on..she said it usually does..how sad that our society assumes that. I was so upset when I left I almost went over to h apartment and was going to scream and yell for him to come totaly clean...was there an actual love affair going on..do you want a d..all the *hit that everyone around town assumes is happening...then I went for a ride and decided I can't do that..we have come too far for me to go and blow it..I don't know if I should even tell him that I had this talk..I asked her why it seems to be my family/friends that are doing all this talk..why hasn't his family..because they don't run and gossip like that?? I don't know..I won't let this set me back..but you know what it puts the stupid doubts back in the front of my mind..what if he has really been pulling something over on me..am I more afraid of losing him and our m, or afrais that in the end they were all right????I know this man..for 25 years...I see the same kind, gentle, compasionate person these past few months that I fell in love with so long ago..is he playing games with me..how will I ever know for sure... I know he would be devastated to think that so many people are thinking these things about him..so should I keep quiet??
I would vote for keeping quiet. What good would passing on the gossiping views of other people do for your R right now? You are making so many steps, recogonizing so many positive things, and it seems to be because you are putting no pressure on H. I would think if you brought all this up, it could topple down all the good and also bring up unpleasant memories. Concentrate on the present. Enjoy your successes. Ignore the gossip mongers.
I agree with Jackie. You know in your heart what happened. Nothing. Don't let them do this to you. you have worked too long and hard to have anything derail your efforts now.
Keep doing what you are doing and stay away form anyone who doesn't support your efforts to R with H.
Stay in cloud 9. Don't let the outside forces push you out and kill your PMA. Remain positive. I would just plain stop talking about R. If you hear anything negative, just zap it and feed yourself with positive thoughts.
Thanks you guys...I guess gals..Doto and Jackie..what would I do without you?? I am going to keep quiet...told my very trusting friend at work and she said it is human nature for people to talk..and I know it is..I have been guilty in the past of repeating things because I thought if someone is telling me it must be true..boy have I learned alot.
I can see how you guys that are in the process of piecing your m back have these past doubts and memories come up..it scares you and makes you wonder if there can ever be the trust again of what the WAS tells you.
One cool guy..welcome..thanks for the pma boost..Are you new here or just visiting from another forum?
I am going to relax tonight..no more relatives for awhile!!
Made the trip to hospital with h..mil doing fine after procedure...it was a great 2 hour ride together..alone, as sil did not go with us. I was kinda nervous wondering if he was edgy that I might start a r talk..but I glanced at him several times and he seemed as calm as ever..on the ride home we were quiet..mostly tired. But I did think..what if we have nothing more to say..in my mind if we stay quiet too long, we must have lost interest..I am learning you don't have to talk all the time! Told h as he left that I was glad he asked me to go with..he just said "thanks"..oh how I wanted a hug...but I definately get the feeling he wants to leave quickly all the time..maybe feels like I am going to force it. Came over Fri night to watch movie for video club tonight..neither one of us liked it..it is the Japanese one Spirited Way, or something like that.
I also think that repeating what others are saying about him is not a good idea. It will make it harder for him, the guilt is there and that will not help it. And what would you gain if you did say something?
It sounds like you've had some good interaction over the last 3 days. Keep it up! But don't be surprised if he withdraws a bit b/c of all the contact. Just keep up your own PMA, and it takes some of the pressure off of him thinking you have expectations of what is to happen next. I know its hard, trust me I understand that one completely.
Keep up the good work!
Life is not measured in the breaths we take, but in the moments that take our breath away...
You're right..to repeat is not good..I should know that best...everyone saya it is human nature..maybe to wonder but not everyone gossips and expands a fact to make it juicy...
Had a good time at our video club...there were new people there and we went around the room to introduce..came to h and he again had a hard time saying "my wife, Sue" happened to be another couple there with same first names as us h says"it might be confusing but I'm Jim too and that is Sue"..as he points over to me. Am I just being to observant..picky..would he have said that if we were happy as larks???possibly...but I seem to be looking or noticing little things that I might not otherwise do.
This coming Sat., he leaves for a week with our youth group from church on a trip to Tennesee..I am hoping he might call and say they got there ok, but should I suggest it??Or just leave him alone..he's an adult..IF he wants to talk to me, he knows the number. If I really search, the truth is I want him to want to call...there is still a little bit of the "why can't he just wake up and want me again" stuck inside me. So much to still work on..I don't want to fall back into that trap of needing him to make me happy..
I so understand where you are coming from, wanting them to want to reach out to us, wanting them to want to make this work.
Are you going to set yourself up, waiting for a phone call and then being dissapointed if he doesn't call? Does he normally call when he gets to a place? If you think that it would be devastaing to your own PMA if he wouldn't call, I'd go ahead and ask him to call when he gets there so you know he is safe? Avoid the pain. Someday they will be back on track and want us, I think we need to be patient until then. Or so the theory goes.
