How to go from cloud nine to cloud 0 in a few hours..had dinner with my sister..we started talking about things..got on subject of h and I, I again hashed over how hurt I feel that relatives were calling her and telling her things about seeing him with ff...I told her that they don't know the whole truth of the r he had..I know that I have a hard time calling what he did have an "a"..it was a r, but never anything romantic..he was there for her...probably it was not the right way to handle things..but my sister insists that the people that told her they saw him..and assumed things would not lie..that many many people assumed things along time ago...that most normal people would do the same thing(call a relative and tell them what they see or hear)..I said I hope I won't do that, as you don't know the whole truth of what you are seeing..if you tell me that you saw my h hanging all over her, then I might wonder about what he has told me, but you say people saw them out togehter..I know they went out..they went after meetings..after bowling..he did not hide that from me.She said these people don't want to see me look stupid..be taken for a fool..have h hurt me...but they told her these things long before we ever said a word to anyone about any troubles..doesn't that hurt? She said if I saw a male and female out and knew one or both were m, I would wonder what was going on..I said why do you think "something" has to be going on..she said it usually does..how sad that our society assumes that. I was so upset when I left I almost went over to h apartment and was going to scream and yell for him to come totaly clean...was there an actual love affair going on..do you want a d..all the *hit that everyone around town assumes is happening...then I went for a ride and decided I can't do that..we have come too far for me to go and blow it..I don't know if I should even tell him that I had this talk..I asked her why it seems to be my family/friends that are doing all this talk..why hasn't his family..because they don't run and gossip like that?? I don't know..I won't let this set me back..but you know what it puts the stupid doubts back in the front of my mind..what if he has really been pulling something over on me..am I more afraid of losing him and our m, or afrais that in the end they were all right????I know this man..for 25 years...I see the same kind, gentle, compasionate person these past few months that I fell in love with so long ago..is he playing games with me..how will I ever know for sure... I know he would be devastated to think that so many people are thinking these things about him..so should I keep quiet??
