Don't over saturate her with compliments, but perhaps make it a goal to interject one or two "kind" comments in every email/phone call/meeting. You have to repair the damage you've done with your serpent tongue. Believe me, I've been there. And like you were suggesting about telling her that "you still have a ways to go," it might serve you well to LIGHTLY give her acknowledgment of your poor treatment towards her. "I just want you to know that I'm aware of the negative things I've said and done in our R. I'm truly sorry and don't want to treat you that way any longer." Something like that anyway. Don't do that a lot, but perhaps drop that in tenderly at some point.
Have we established that you are really willing to go the distance with her, regardless of what has happened up to this point (including her interaction with OM)? If so, then your concern about trusting HER again may have to be a LOWER priority. Your hurtful comments and actions towards her is what got you in this situation (at least partially). It sounds like she is trying to find out if she can trust YOU right now.
So, keep focused on your own issues. Keep cleaning up your own emotional baggage. Be consistently loving, receptive, and accepting of her. You need to draw her back to you first. Once you have done that, then you can look deeper into if you will can actually trust her again. If you are successful at reeling her back to you, I think you will be able to see HER true intentions more clearly... thus revealing whether or not you can trust her.
Make sense?
Dude, this is all very hard stuff to do. I know you are in pain and I know you are angry about some of her hypocritical demands... and RIGHTLY so! You deserve to be treated fairly. It's a hard time emotionally. I bounced all over the place emotionally for about a year after my separation. But reading your story here... you've got WAY better of a shot at it then I do.
