I know I must keep doing things for me, but I fall back into the "I want to be with him thing"...I have joined a book club..I bought a new bike..am going to go riding with some friends from work..so I have definately expanded my social life from a few years back. I have always wanted a 4th of July picnic..so I thought with or without h, I was going to have one, ask some friends from church, family..I asked him if he would like to have one and he was really excited about it..I also said I have always wanted to have a Halloween party..he said "you're on your own there..you know I don't dress up".Thats still a ways away...
Kaw.. when you say maybe if he sees I don't need him as much..he will rethink it..I know from the past few months that letting someone have the space they have asked for is a sure benefit..my mindset still says if he sees me happy without him, that it will be that much easier to make the break..IF that is what he is leaning towards..on the other hand maybe he sees me being cool and doesn't think I want to be with him...I am not sure..you would think being with someone that long that I would know what he thinks.. Today is his birthday and after a golf/dinner he mentioned some people going to local pub for drink..but did he ask me..no..and on the way home I felt so hurt..then I said let it go..you don't always have to be with him for social events..yet some of the others are h/w and that is probably what really hurts me the most, is seeing them wanting to be together. I'll get over it after a good cry... JAckie..I know he did have the choice, and in the past he mentioned that he always felt like he had to do what I wanted...that seems to be one thing he has changed and that is good...so I reassure myself that he would say no. I guess all the way around he would be distancing himself more and more if he really felt that this m is over. To be leading me on would be more devastating then to ignore me, and he really is not like that.
So, I guess I'll get some wine...and a slutty book and enjoy myself..alone!!!! HAve a great night
