Quote: H called me and told me interest rates were really down for a 30 year mortgage, and asked if we should refinance..of course I don't have a problem with it..does that mean we are keeping the house??I can't keep it myself if that is what the future holds and he knows it..I kinda had hoped if he comes back that we could find something else..maybe with some extra space for him and for my sewing/quilting..but I guess that is not in his mind. SO it could be a chance to ask him if this means we are keeping house?????HELP on that one.
during my seperation (and yes while h was in the midst of definately wanting a d) my car insurance ran out...h called me leaving a message that I'd need to call the company and have my car put on his...sounded strange to me that a man who wanted to d me and we would soon be splitting things up would suggest that my car be put on his plan...anywho..I kept such questions to myself...and I'd suggest you do the same...whether or not you end up staying in that home with or without him..refunancing for a lower rate at this point would serve no harm.
things seem to be sailing along nicely for you and h...you are a very patient woman.
Hi, LL..we crossed paths..I just posted on yours...yea guess you are right, I'll keep quiet.
Last night I ran to Walmart and when I got home phone rang..it was h telling me he needed two months paystubs and tax return for refinancing..asked where I had been..I told him..he said it was an awfully long trip..I said only an hour..hmmmm...he has never cared where I was before..to myself I said I should have told him "out", but then that would sound rude.I am not out to trying to make him jealous or to make him think I might be with someone else..I think after his comment about ff should get a d before moving in and sleeping with someelse confirms his beliefs are the same as mine..
I am tackling a stripping job in our stairway..of course it is the hottest day of the year..might give him a call and see if he will help.
Hi...have read most of this thread and it sounds like I've been writing it! I don't have an active thread at the moment, wasn't quite sure where I belonged, until I read your thread. I will start a thread about my own sitch, but it sounds much like yours.
How long have you been seperated? Has your H always kept himself in with family functions, or is that something new? The reason I ask is because I have asked my H to a family member's wedding (my side) and he's having to think about it. I truly don't think he's going to go because he's afraid of what my family will say. Did your H just decide and that was it?
And I do feel that I am still just hoping, and not really piecing yet. Patience is my worst virtue, too!
I hope your stripping goes well, hopefully H decided to join you!
JL
Life is not measured in the breaths we take, but in the moments that take our breath away...
Dear Hoping, My H has been gone 8wks now. He is very negative and has shot me down too many times.A person can only take so much rejection. 2wks ago I put his clothes outside and asked him to get them. I didn't do it to hurt him but I had to stop crying. I really set him off but have heard from friends that he realized why I did it. I haven't heard from him since. I want to call and say hello or something but I don'y have much to say that isn't neg ( b/c of bills and such). Should I call him to make contact? His daughter was in town and spent time with me and i think he gave her grief for it. I am afraid he is still too raw but i want to let him knwo I still think of him. Help!!!
Welcome..jl and brhrtpe03..it is nice to have new people pop in..come stay awhile...the roller coaster is always running!!!
JL..I did not call him to help with hall..but he did come for pizza and his cards from our kids.In the 7 months he's been gone he has gone to the family functions..except Christmas..I chose not to go to my family because of what they were thinking about him..and my sister has never made him feel welcome..his family treats melike nothing is different. I hesitated to ask him to my sisters for dd graduation party, but I wanted to go for niece, not sister..he went..also asked him if he would like to go to nursing home for picnic with my dad..he went. So the past few months he is coming around alot more...not physically, but emotionally. The time apart has been the best thing that could have happened to us. We are able to breath and learn what it is that we need to change about ourselves..there have not been any r talks..oh maybe a few small ones thta I start in hopes htat he will talk..but he doesn't. He has become very involved in our church..and talks all the time about the ideas they have and he recently became a lay speaker and also is on the staff as financial manager, so he is working with minsisters on all kinds of good things. Last year in c..he told her that when he was 6 he wanted to be a minister...first I had heard that..anyways this seems to be what he has been looking for. Don't ask your h again about family wedding..unless you have to have the answer for response purposes..but respect his answer even if no..patience is very hard for me, but I think I have done pretty good...my friend at work today said she can't believe how I can just wait(we work in court system..divores etc..)I told her that had I not found this bb and the books..I probably would be one of the files on our walls. D is too easy..people don't want to work at saving a m.
brh...don't call him..you both need time apart..work on yourself...I was almost panicky when he wanted to leave..then after calming down..coming here to vent and ask what to do..I realized that I was going work on me..do things for me...I know that I will be ok if he never comes back...I was so worried if I did not call him, he would forget me or think I did not want to talk to him..but you have to remember we have done things together all along...family things..movies..but not talking to him for days was hard..as it got easier for me not to call..he has started calling me..so it does work. I don't know your whole sitch..is your h helping with money? When h moved, I thought I should get my own checking..but h said to keep joint and he would put 1/2 his paycheck in for me..whew...I did not know how I was going to do it..so he is very generous...he is willing at any time to give me extra if I need it..so many good things I have been missing about him. Time is on your side..if you have kids they need to see a strong mom who is taking care of herself. Cry when you need to, vent here, but know you will be ok.
Not a whole lot new here...went to church for outdoor gathering and sat in front of h and sil on grass...we did some fun songs and one of them was shake your neighbors hand, pat their back...well guess since I was right in front of h,he did pat my back...ohhhhh the longing to be touched!
So things just drift along...his birthday is next week..I found a card that had a bunch of words written on the front and some cut outs..on the inside..it says For your birthday I only wish for your happiness..I signed it love, sue too..I can't seem not to. The card doen't sound like I am not wanting him back, does it? Of course I wish and pray each day that we will make it..I am being too picky..
Quote: it says For your birthday I only wish for your happiness..I signed it love, sue too..I can't seem not to.
I think the sentiment in the card is quite appropriate, b/c I'm sure you truly want that for your H, right? I know what you mean about signing love to his card. It almost seems rude not to, IMHO anyway. Just do what feels right for you.
Thanks for your advice about asking about the wedding. I did ask on Sun. and he said he was thinking about it, still haven't gotten an answer and I've not asked again and won't. I will see him again on Sat at S6's soccer game and not even then. His loss if he feels uncomfortable. Not my problem.
The drifting is the hardest part for me. You seem to handle it pretty well. How? I can't seem to get past the fact that he still, after 10 months at this, has not given me concrete info about where he's living. That bothers the sh*& out of me! I am ignoring it, but it eats away at my PMA like termites eat wood. A little at a time. How do I get past it?
And I don't think you're being picky, just wanting to get your M on the right track again.
JL
Life is not measured in the breaths we take, but in the moments that take our breath away...
The card sounds perfect--loving and only wanting the best for him, without pressure.
Sounds like you are doing great and progressing, though at the ever slow rate these things seem to take. Why is it much quicker to screw things up? Kind of like losing weight--much easier and quicker to gain it!
goes well, hopefully H decided to join you!