Overwhelmed with uncertainty

[GoingForward]

Things continue to go well over here.

Friday after work, H and I took the kids to see "Horton". We all had a nice time, but poor H kept nodding off in the theater! Work's been tough lately. After the movie, H went to a meeting to sign up for his company softball team. He didn't say when he planned on being home that night, so around 10pm, I called to ask if he had an idea. He said he would be home around 11pm or so. Well, he didn't get back until 12:30am and didn't even call beforehand to let me know that he would be later. A little bothersome, yes, but not worth pointing out at this time. I just let it go.

Since H had the weekend off, I planned to go to my sister's house in Brentwood on Saturday. She called me Friday asking for help with painting her hall bathroom and the hallway, so I said sure, I would help. Knowing that H was going to be off, he could stay with the kids. He did, after all, say on Thursday that he wanted to do something with the boys over the weekend.

So I told H about my plans when he got home Friday night. He said that was fine, but he really wished I would stay home with him and the kids. I told him I was sorry, but my sister had been asking me to help her for the last few weeks, and with H being off from work, this would be my best opportunity to do so without having to worry about who's going to watch the boys. He said he understood but still wished I wouldn't go.

He then told me about going to his boss' house Saturday evening to watch boxing and wanted to know when I'd be back. I said I wasn't sure, but I would call my parents to see if H could drop the kids off with them early Saturday evening until I got back from my sister's house. He didn't seem too sure about that. I said, "If it'll make it easier for you, I'll call MIL and see if you can take them to her first, then she can take them to my parents' house. I'll give her 5 or 10 bucks for gas. Would you like for me to arrange that?" H said no, he could take them himself. He just wasn't looking forward to seeing my mom or stepdad yet.

Anyway, next morning, I called my parents first and asked about watching the kids that evening until I got back from Brentwood. They were fine with it. Then I called MIL and asked her if she wouldn't mind H, possibly, dropping the boys off with her and if she could take them to my parents. She said she could do it, not a problem. I told her, "Thanks, I appreciate it. (H) said he was going to take them himself, but I thought I'd ask you anyway, in case he changes his mind. I'll tell him to call you if he does."

Arrived at my sister's house, and wouldn't you know it? She changed her mind! She didn't feel like painting that day! So we spent the entire day shopping instead and both got mani/pedi's . H called me around noon and said he didn't want to have to see my parents, so he was probably just going to miss fight night......whatever ( boo hoo ).......so I told him that I had talked to MIL that morning and she was ok with H taking them to her and she would take them to my mom. He said oh cool, thanks.

H called me again around 6pm and said he just dropped the boys off at my parents' house. I thought he was going to take them to MIL's, I asked. He said no, he changed his mind, but now wished he hadn't. According to H, the atmosphere was 'cold'. He said he didn't see much of my mom, but my stepdad seemed to have given H a look of "get out of here, now". H said he had to go back to the car to get the kids' bag, and when he went back inside, everyone had already gone upstairs to the family/entertainment room. No one (my parents in particular) remained downstairs to say goodbye to him. I told him not to think too much of it. My parents rarely see me to the door either. That's just how it is, really.

(Although they do say bye to me and the kids......and as for the 'look' H says my stepdad gave him, I'm sure it was all in his head.....Didn't say this to H.)

I called H (per his request) around 8pm to let him know I was on my way home. He asked, "What time do you want me home tonight?" I was like, huh??? He asked me again, and I said it didn't matter. Whenever he wanted. All I cared about was that he was having a good time. H said, "I am, but this is important. What time would you like for me to be home by?" I thought for a moment and said, "Umm, well...I have to work tomorrow, preferably not too late, so how about 12am?" He said ok, he'd see me then. H said ILY, I said ILY, then we said goodbye.

He got home at 11:30pm, then we went to bed.

Sunday, I worked for several hours while H was with the kids again and took them to his soccer game later that afternoon. About the time that I got home, H called to tell me they were on their way home from Vallejo (he gave his friend B a ride back home). We had dinner when they arrived, then H, S12, and S8 cleaned up afterwards.

We were all pretty tired, and I think everyone was in bed by 10:30pm that night. H and I chit-chatted for awhile before... ... and then going to sleep. Ahem...I nearly forgot how well-endowed my H is!

Monday, I went grocery shopping and picked up some things H asked me to get for him. I also bought a new bike because he wants to start going out on family bike rides like we did once before. I wasn't sure which bike to get while I was at the store, so I called H and said I didn't know which to buy - the one on sale for $80 or the one for $140. He told me, "Get whichever one you want, babe. I don't care about the money. I want you to get the one that YOU want, ok? Just make sure it has gears. TTYL, I gotta get back to work. ILY." I thanked him and told him ILY, too.

Well, I wanted the pretty purple one for 80 bucks, but it didn't have as many gears as the $140 teal blue bike, so I opted for that one. It's been years since I last rode a bicycle, so I went out for about a mile and a half test-run last night. At one point, I went up a *cough, cough*..small..*cough* incline and got my a$$ kicked ! When I returned home, my feet felt like they had cinder blocks hanging from them whenever I tried to lift my legs! How embarrassing!

H was laughing at me a little but said he was very happy that I went for a ride and felt good afterwards. He pulled me close and gave me a really nice, long, deep kiss while stopping for just a moment to tell me he loved me. He also said seeing me get motivated to be more active helps to keep him motivated as well. H has always been more active than I have, but he loves to eat a lot and doesn't always stick to a healthy diet. Last night, while we were watching a movie, H kept saying over and over that he wanted that can of chicken egg noodle soup in the pantry. I told him, lovingly, no. Besides, it was for S3; he's so darn picky, and it's his favorite. Every time H brought up the soup, I told him there were fresh veggies in the fridge that he could munch on. I also picked up some nonfat yogurt, and if he'd like, I'd throw some fresh fruit in it for him. He said thanks but no thanks. He ended up eating nothing last night. After dinner, I mean.

This morning before H left for work, he asked me to pick up some more Gatorade for him. I said I would. He then gave me a big hug and kiss and said, "Thank you for not letting me cave last night. ILY so much."



Well, Easter should be interesting. It's going to be at my grandparents' house - we do this every year. There's a chance H might not have to work. We were discussing it last night, and he said, without me even asking, that he would do whatever I wanted him to do. He said if I wanted him to go with me and the boys, he would. He wasn't sure if he'd be comfortable around my family just yet, but he would still go. He seems to think that my entire family is going to hate on him, and that's just not true at all. I know H has a lot of guilt and shame to deal with, and yes, my relatives haven't been too happy about what's happened over the last few years, but I KNOW they will welcome H back with open arms. I know they will.

H said, "What if we get there and everyone's looking at me like, 'oh the jacka$$ is here'?" I said that wouldn't happen. H asked me what I thought would happen. I said, "Knowing my family, they would most likely say something like, 'Hey, (H). It's good to see you! How have you been?' There won't be any negativity around. Not from my grandparents, my sisters, nobody."

So we will see what happens. Probably won't know for sure until Thursday or Friday if H has to work or not. Either way, the boys and I are going to my grandparents. We don't get down there to visit often as it is. If H isn't working on Easter Sunday, he can either stew at home by himself or he can come with us and be welcomed back into my family. They've been waiting to show him this, too, for a long time now.

No expectations. No disappointments.