I'm back from my travels and getting caught up with you. All I can do here is echo Z's advice. You are trying too hard to please her/read her mind, etc. I've been there, done that, and it doesn't get you anywhere except frustration and anxiety. Z is absolutely right--you can't know what's in her mind. Believing is seeing. We believe something, then we look for evidence to confirm it. Look at your reaction to the reservation. Step outside yourself and ask, "Why did I respond that way?" Do this in life generally, not just regarding your wife. I never used to do this, but I am trying to get in the habit, and it makes life better in so many ways. It can still be painful, but that too is better than being on autopilot.
As for your wife, who knows what she is up to. You cannot control her. If your M is over, it's over. No one can force her to stay married to you. At the same time, remember that a decision is not a decision until we take action. Talk is just that. I wouldn't ignore talk but if your W is in MLC she may be saying a lot of contradictory things that in her mind make perfect sense at the time she says them. Give up trying to predict the future. We humans are very bad at that. I've started reading Stumbling on Happiness, and so far I love it. It applies to many situations in life, but it clearly helps me deal with the roller coaster I'm on. We try to predict/control the future, but most times we will be wrong.
Take care. I hope your appointment today was/is helpful.
