Letter from WAW after she flew to my city for talk

[GH31]

Hello GratefulWeb,

Thanks heaps for sharing your thoughts with me here. It is much appreciated.

I think you are 100% correct about throwing in the odd compliment here and there which will probably work a treat. I have spoken with a DB coach who suggested I write in an email what I admire about her, and that I would do well to assimilate some of her traits into my own life. She is very relaxed, mild and gentle in comparison to my structured, passionate and ambitious nature. I was also to tell her that I have a ways to go. I did this and was very pleased with the response.

I can see what you mean about the fact that I appear to be wavering. This is due to the enormity of the task that I am facing and that if and when I get her back, I will have to learn to trust her again.

We never had any trust issues before in all our time together and our relationship actually unravelled really quickly.

I can live with the fact that she developed relationship with OM after the separation because it was my anger, verbal cruelty and complaining which occasioned the breakup, but the lies and hypocrisy I find terribly difficult to handle. I ask myself "how dare she tell me not to fool around with other girls?" or "how can she say I don't want you to be with any other girls but me....but I'm not with her - the ****ing OM is?".

I wonder if I can trust her if I get her back, that she has severed ties with OM completely. I know that there's no way I can control this so I will have to have faith (something I have never had in anything or anyone until now) that she's telling me the truth. I understand from much reading that we can expect a withdrawal period - as a reformed caffeine addict I can understand this.

I must work on these issues because I cannot have any more relationships with the people I love damaged in this lifetime, simply because I feel the need to vent with my temper and verbal venom. I would like my beautiful wife to get the most benefit from this personal growth. I am actually glad the separation happened so that I could finally make peace with my past and dampen the emotional relationship that I have with it. The stuff that's happened subsequent to the separation is what's hardest - lies, hypocrisy, talk of reconciliation whilst being with OM etc.

Anyway, just want to say that you guys are awesome. Without this forum to share thoughts and benefit from those who've trodden this path before, I would be an absolute basket case.

best,

GH31