I guess calling him is not doing any harm..he does not seem to be any different when I call and ask him to do things..we went to see the movie "Bruce Almighty" very good movie..with a great meaning and ending..good for some laugha and just all around good feelings. I thanked h when he dropped me off..I skipped church on Sunday and he asked where I was whe I went to the bible study he is teaching. When he talks I have a hard time making eye contact with him..but when I do, he also does and I have such a pride for him...I have never been very good at telling him that. So much I want to say to him..maybe I should write him a letter..fathers day would be a good time..ohhhhhhhhhhh I don't know. I don't want to scare him off...three is always time to say the things that need to be said..but if said too soon, or in the wrong way..it could blow everthing we have accomplished this far, and while I yearn at times for so much more..I am very lucky right now..I know sounds like another excuse..or maybe wisdom to know that deep down I know that he is not ready for a deep talk.
I think if you feel in your gut that it isn't a good time for this talk, than to follow that feeling. It is usually a good indicator and not chickening out, just waiting for a better time, and a time when it will be well received.
it is ok to compliment h, there is nothing wrong with it in fact it would be a good thing to do.
writing about such things in a card may be seen as persuit...is there a way you can practice getting more comfortable dishing out compliments and praise without writting it??
I started to compliment h during our seperation (all the things I thought he already knew...and some of the things I had miscommunicated negatively to him) complimenting his parenting, the yard work...little things like that...he didn't always take it well (kinda always negated whatever I was saying but he heard it anyway and that's what's important) but I believe it made a difference in things.
You're right LL, I need to compliment more..and not just my h..I grew up with no thank yous, praises..so I have always had a hard time saying nice things to people... it is easier to see the bad instead of the good...I am going to make an extra effort starting tonight..I'm going to compliment my dd!! Funny how just a little tip can spark something else in my life I really need to work on...H and I have been thanking each other for little things..something we have never done for each other...but I did use to tell him he looked nice or sexy..even in his suit(not birthday..work!!!)..but when I never got any back..I guess I stopped. Looking back over the years we became the typical couple that took each other for granted and did not realize that we had to keep the spark alive. Sure would like the chance to change all that.
I am a newcomer but think maybe I should be using this forum instead started posting my story under slipping fast. I have been reading your story and It sounds alot like mine my husband stays at our home the majority of the time and says he is trying to work on it mentions doing things together, but he still works with his ow and sometimes he comes home and seems like he still wants her. I am not sure either if I should compliment him I don't want him to think I am being pushy, I still feel like I am always intiating or asking for affection. Anyways it sounds like you are doing the right things and I know somedays I feel like screaming. if you have any advice I would appreciate it.
mgoodwin...you are welcome here anytime...there is so much upbeat advice and support here. I know I say I am always the one to ask, invite...but I have always done that..so it is not something new,and I need to learn to accept that about h and know how to use it.
Where did you say you were posting?
I did call h and asked him if he wanted to go to Fathers day picnic at nursing home that my dad is in, and he said yes! Another positive..
I took my own advice last night and complimented my dd20..she just looked at me and said I was "weird"!!!Kids..
Sue, Thank you glad to know there is so many people going through the same thing, the support has been wonderful now I know that instead of berating my h with q's about r I can come here to vent and get advice how wonderful!!
I started posting under newcomers under slipping fast
Glad to hear your h said yes to the picnic. My h and I went out last night and had a good time together and he showed some affection which made me feel good (theres a positive) Michelle
I've been lurking on your thread for a while since I haven't really had anything to add regarding things with H. It was nice that he accepted your invite for the Father's Day activity at the nursing home.
Quote: I took my own advice last night and complimented my dd20..she just looked at me and said I was "weird"!!!Kids..
Too funny, Sue. Is this what I have to look forward to with our kids?
Michelle...do know that you can always come here..I will check newcomers...Try not to ask too many questions...h and I rarely talk about us.
h and I went to my dads...before that when he came to get me, I was sittting on deck..so he joined me and started talking away....a first for him in many many years. He sounds kinda down about his job(bank auditor)he has become so involved in church..I asked him if he ever thought about seminary school, as people have asked me..he said he has, but realized he would then have to leave our church, and there is so much that can be done there.
I also think...but not 100 % sure that the ff thing really has bothered him...the fact that she "needed" him so, and my guesss is and it is only a guess, and lord knows I've been very wrong on my assumptions,but I think she would have loved for it to go further and my h was smart enough not to, so she found a man that was available..and dumped my h. Now I might be wrong and maybe this is just what I want to have happened..it will be interesting to see if they bowl together or will she replace my h with lover boy.
Bob...kids never cease to amaze you..even as they are young adults..the other night dd and I went to eat and called h to join us...before he got there we were in a booth and he always sits next to her, the princess,I sometimes and only for a few minutes, get jeoulous of their r, especially when he hugs her... but I said he will sit next to me...the silverware is on htis side...well he sat next to her...anyways when she and I were on way home we were talking about him,and i probably said more than I should, but I made a comment about the future and wishing I knew what he was going to do, and she said when he figures it out himself he will tell you...also said her friend thinks her parents will get a d once she leaves home, because they are always bad mouthing the other..and that they have stayed together only for her. I said to dd, I hope you don't think that is our case..as we have been happy up until the past few years of all the turmoil and changes in our lives..she knew it. I said I don't think I would stay just because of the kids..
So kids are pretty smart and don't ever think as they grow up that you are covering things up..as they know way more than we give them credit for. At work everyone talks about how all kids drink, lie....I respond with that you have to respect them, trust them, and give them some freedom when they are young, and in return you will get the same back. My kids never really had a curfew..they knew when the legal time was for being out, and they respected that...they did not sneak out and lie...don't sweat the small stuff. Being able to look at your kids when they are 20 and 23 and say that they have never really ever given you any grief or serious problems is a great accomplishment. (now dd is going to be 21 in 5 months as she informed me and does intend to go to bars) so I might have to give an update on that experience.
if you have any advice I would appreciate it. 
