From what I can see she is afraid to make this about her decision to end the marriage. Too much guilt to make it about her, so it becomes about you. Arguements, drawing you into to positions you don't want to be in etc...
But there is also a tinge of hope with some of the interaction.
There may not be a reality moment here for her because you are not gone and she has not had to work life "alone" - yet. That does not mean that it is needed, just that it has not set in for her.
Me thinks that you need to really get your arms around a possible D here. Really come to grips with its possibility and probability. Does not mean that you give up hope, in fact the alternate is true that you will gain more hope. Without directly addressing that you are preparing for a D with her you need her to understand that you accept the reality, are preparing for the worst, but working for the best possible outcome.
Maybe some darker moments - but don't go dark! Maybe some mystery about your activities and whereabouts so she can see that you are able to stand on your own. Most important - don't worry about what she is doing, when, and for how long! Who cares if she said 8:30 and came in at 11? In the grand scheme of your relationship does that 1.5 hours really matter?
It seems to me that you are forgetting Hound Rules 1 and 2...
1) Accept your possible reality OWN IT!!! 2) Affirm - Affirm - Affirm - disarm her and don't give her reasons to doubt your intent or motives! If she is planning a trip to the moon it does not matter why. Even if she tells you she is planning to meet Joe Schmoe in Aruba and have passionate sex all weekend - so what, deal with it when it happens not before. By jumping the gun on the trip you fell so hard for her game that you now look foolish and need to work harder to build integrity! Had you said to her - I noticed that you were looking into a trip to XXX, I am really exicted for you I think that you need that time to yourself. She would have fallen over because you are affirming her need to do something other than worry about the stress of your marriage.
BT - I know that this logic sucks. But there are a number of successes using this logic. Go back to Fish and his W's trip to Europe remember in the beginning how he was trying to control and it pushed her away? Same thing, once he accepted that she is an adult and able to make adult decisions and really they were not going to do much more damage he disarmed her.
I remember a convo with my wife telling her to go on a trip with OM!!!! Yep, I told her I would watch the kids and she should go - she just had to use her own money but I thought it would be a good idea. She said to me later that one moment was really interesting because my history would dictate a different reaction. But I was playing Defense because I knew that her decisions were limted once I made those comments. She never went by the way!
Control is a relative term - she wants to control the relationship, yet you can give it all to her and still feel empowered to be a great husband!
Good Luck....
Hound
Me: 33 jacka** whom lied, stole, cheated, and basically treated DW like crap for years DW: 29 kind soul who gave too much to me over the relationship
S7 S4
M: 7yrs Bomb: 10/19 Seperated: 10/24
The worst reconciliation is better than the best divorce
