well the wife stopped by today..

[minkerman]

Marcum - buddy, you need to stop with the puppy dog attitude right now, this minute. She will be repelled by your Mr. Nice Guy behavior, especially if it is out of character and seems phoney. Mr Nice Guy presents NO challenge to a woman, and they see it as boring.

Just back off. Don't call her or email her for a few days - see if she comes to you, or shows even the slightest sign of noticing that you are not clinging and smothering anymore.

My DB coach told me that smothering, clingy behavior sends most W's running for the hills faster than almost anything else. My W has told me basically the same thing...I have had to go against my instincts and do what they are telling me. And that is back off. Clinging behavior stinks of desperation - not what your W (or my W) want to come back home to.

If your W is seeing someone else, you need to make a decision. Most flings don't last long. You can continue to DB, let her know that you are available as a friend, and see where that takes you.

I can't remember - do you have the DR book? It's all in there, you just have to believe it and live it.

Easy for me to say - I struggle with it every single day.