Empowering the Conflict Coward

[Concerned_Listener]

Jak,
In my Buddhist reading this morning the article talked about Deep Listening. It stated that one of the goals of listening is to be able to hear the suffering of the other person, and to not distance ourselves if they speak to us in a less than kind way. This is important for me to remember in terms of my work in staying with conflict.

I think she desires financial security and enough of a cash flow for quality of life. I'm not sure what my role is in helping her with this problem, beyond working 40 hours per week.

She mentioned yesterday that she wants to look at our budget and see income and expenses. She's never asked to do that. I think it would be helpful for her to see that so she can develop a strategy. Her reaction now to her financial worry is for me to get a higher paying job (this again).

I think she also wants a home she can be comfortable in and proud of. I'm trying to adapt to her higher standards. We spent two hours taking out garbage bags full of clutter over the weekend. I spent some time in the yard picking up leaves from the bushes.

I'll do what I think is reasonable to help her with this. I'll have to hold onto my activities so that she doesn't burn me out. My strength is balance and being able to slow down, and be patient that some problems take time to solve. Her strength is to be a catalyst and move us forward with projects and making changes when needed.

I still have some hope that the M can get better and intimacy eventually restored. I have faith in myself to manage and thrive with the life I have, even with it's problems and imperfections.

CL