Oh trust me we all fall down, have brain farts. You should really be very proud of yourself for the things you didn't do. By restraining your actions, your words, you allowed potential for positive things to happen, for God to work. Yes you slipped a little, but you are improving, it could have been worse. It takes a long time to change old habits. Just keep working at it.
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as far as the divorce talk, she initaited it. i only asked her about moving out. i pushed the subject too far. i was wrong.
Yes you took the bait. Women in particular are very good at testing us men and we are usually very quick to take the bait. They don't do it purposely, to trap us, it's a men from mars women from venus thing. I got baited just yesterday, but guess what? I am much more aware NOW, after years of practice. I quickly recognized it, quickly looked upward for support, and handeled it perfectly. Difused the tension in a snap. Now in the old days, we'd have argued back and forth probably all evening. She would have released the tension she was carrying, at my expense, and I would end up looking like a jerk for getting so frustrated about it.
It's all difused when we acknowledge the pain, focus on the source, and love unconditionally. We can not control our emotions, let them be what they may, but our actions are totally under our control.
I totally understand the interior shuffle thing. We all do it, very normal. It's a personal interaction between us and our God, and that's a private matter.
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realized how much damage i actually could have caused.
Right! I am very pleased and proud about the "could have". The "could haves" might just make the difference between saving your M, and not. A "could have" done something very bad, is the OPPOSITE of the "have" done something bad. It's the right side of the decision that could have gone either way.
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blew it twice in one week
I used to blow it 10 times a week, then 5, then 2, then 1, then NONE! It's a process, a growing, healing, forgiving process. You're doing it brother!
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next time a 4x12. redwood or oak
His cross was made of wood, not really known what kind. Pine, dogwood, cypress, something along those lines.
God Bless,
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
