I am an expert at holding on to anger. Not only did it push W away, it made me feel terrible. I still have difficulty with it, but time helps. So does GAL. Hopefully you'll find that your interactions with H will be more productive if there is not a background of hostility.
Hang in there and good luck.
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
Ok, so I am off the volcano ride from last night...... Kids asked for H today. They didn't talk to him at all yesterday and usually do talk to him once a day.
So I called H this morning and he answered--wasn't sure he would after last night's discussion. Told him the kids wanted to talk to him. He talked to S and D and they were thrilled!
I got back on the phone and told H we were going in to school late b/c it was my spring break and I wanted them to have a little break, too (H used to get super irritated when I took them into day care late, S has preschool starting at 8 and today it was 8:45 when we talked to H). He was totally fine with that. I said, I am taking S to Horton Hears a Who on Friday b/c he wants to do something fun on "spring break".
Well, what do you know? H wants us all to go TOGETHER Friday night. Thinks it will be fun....
Before I hung up I told him I didn't mean to be a b!tch last night on the phone, I was just upset about S being so upset. That it hurt me to see him hurting and that is why I got angry. H said no, no, I don't think you are a "b" at all. I know why you were upset....
I can tell H's moods pretty well most of the time. Right now he is feeling like crap b/c inside, he knows that S is upset b/c of the choices H is making. He ISN'T mad at me (even though he sounded that way last night), he is mad at himself.
So I am going to take care of me and get another room cleaned out/organized today. Just need to take care of me and kids and let the rest go for now......
Just realized some of my friends posted to my "irritated" posting last night. Going to reply here b/c I want to just stick with one post. But I had to get that stuff out last night so I didn't spread it on my H or my kids.....
Thanks for the support. I know there is nothing any of us can do to change the situation over night or we all would be in different situations right now, wouldn't we??
And I will NEVER talk bad about my H in front of my kids. He is their Hero and I want it to stay that way regardless of what happens. Yes, it makes me aggravated to know that they think he is Superman when he is messing things up, but it is good for them to love and honor and respect their dad. And hopefully it gives their dad a reason to try to live up to his hero status in their eyes.....
Kalni I need to work on myself like you said. I wish I could flip a switch and feel content with my situation, but it doesn't work that way. My SIL is having marital issues as well and says she is on Zoloft. That maybe medication could help me handle my emotions better. I don't know how that works, thought it was a chemical thing in the body. Can I really go on meds just because I am in a temporary depression/anxiety cycle? IT better be temporary, anyway......
So today is a new day. Focus on today and what I need to do today.
One other kind of unrelated question though. Yesterday when I was still rational I decided I would go as pitch dark as I could concerning H, other than kid discussions, b/c I want him to see that I am not the cause of his unhappiness, and I want him to really see what his life without me is like.....
Then he asks if we can go to "Horton" on Friday as a family. And he wants to spend Easter Sunday together. Part of me thinks, go and be happy and fun and not only will I have fun, H can see what he is missing, what his life COULD be like every day.......Part of me says, don't do things with him. Let him be by himself since he says he needs space to figure things out. Let him see what it is like not to have his wife around. But I want to do family things for the kids either way. Things like this mess me up. B/C I want to be the happy, loving wife he always knew I was and want that BACK. But I don't want him to cake-eat, get his "fix" of family time and then be gone again for a week.....Anyway I am rambling now but that is my current dilemma...
My take: Do the family things. Be happy. But, do not get angry with him. Don't nag or complain. Do not talk about the R. Don't bring up your email or phone call.
Act as if nothing happened. Be strong and independent. Be the type of woman you know you can be. Don't kiss him, hug him or show affection. Be there but be distant.
Make sure he knows that something has changed and you are in charge now.
BBJ, I know this will be hard for you. You love him and want him back. You need to be willing to stand on your own for him to want you back.
BBJ, What have you done in the past couple of months regarding his family time or just time requests? Did you always accept? If so, perhaps it is time to skip an invitation...perhaps just tell him you are busy on that day or particular time of day. I just reread the LRT and I know it is difficult but maybe a no once in a while will help. Then again, Woog's suggestion could also work.
I agree with Woog. You have to keep doing things with your H because of the kids (at least for now). But make it different, don't be mean or anything, make him feel like he can "look but he can't touch". Distant is the right word. See if you can do that, if you can't, we will figure out something next time...
Thanks guys. Feeling a little discouraged at the moment........But I will pull through as always. Just wishing things were different....but you are right I already bought a couple new shirts to wear for the weekend in some bright spring colors--I am SOOO sick of winter! I will do my best to look AND feel good.
Now, back to working on the cleanup...
Oh,yeah, does that shining PMA apply to phone calls, too? I am sure we will have a few of those this week.........
I am going to use my best cheerleader and preschool teacher energy to get in a good mood. I just decided that ten minutes ago....I need to be happy for a while. I got a new job in my hometown, I have 2 cute, smart, funny kids, I don't have to move any where at least for the time being, so why not just hang out and try to enjoy life? Hard to do sometimes, but I decided I will do my best. If LOVE is a choice, maybe happiness is too???? I'll let you know how it's working out......
posted to my "irritated" posting last night. Going to reply here b/c I want to just stick with one post. But I had to get that stuff out last night so I didn't spread it on my H or my kids.....