Just after the bomb I used to phone her to try and find out what was going on, or what W was up to, but I eventually learnt my lesson and stopped calling cos I always ended up feeling bad about my sitch after I spoke to her. Anyway I avoid talking to her if I can or if she gets through to me I avoid discussing the sitch with her as best I can. I know W has confided in her so she's got both sides of the story, certainly the sordid side from W. But I've also noticed W doesn't phone her as much from home now things have calmed down.
Last phone call from b/f to me was end of December, when she phone to say I was silly for snooping on W, (which was true) but sometimes it the little bits of info she drops into the conversation that I try to ignore but sometimes takes on a bit of relevance. Like at that time she told me W was still adamant she didn't want the M, but she had said a couple of positive things about us.
Well today b/f got through to me at work, first asking how I was and then she was fishing for info. I was skirting around the subject, then she fired off her question a point blank range. "So have you forgiven W then" I said no, W and I are just getting on. "So you're just gonna start afresh without saying anything to W about the A". Well I tried to explain to her that I don't need to know the details, if W wants to talk she will, if she doesn't well that up to her. She said it sounded like I was just letting W get away with things. I then tried to explain I wasn't just forgiving and forgetting, (and you know how much I discussed forgiving on here) but she kept saying that she couldn't understand my position, the fact that I've been hurt by W and I'm not discussing things or retaliating.
Anyway I managed to end the conversation, But it just left me feeling a bit flat again. I had gotten rid of the urge for R talks, I'm not too hung up on how, if or whether to forgive W. I don't feel the need know more than I know, if she's still talking to OM or not. But all of this got churned up in me again. Is W taking me for a ride or are we really piecing. I don't know now. Anyway I think I just need to take some deep breaths, calm and try to ignore this conversation.
Lan
PS: I'm not going home to do anything silly, I'm just taking each day as it comes.
