I just read through yours, and boy is there a lot of positives going on. Reading through it in one swoop shows your strength and the changes both you and H are making. H sounds like he is enjoying spending the time with you and likes to be asked to do things together.
One thing that struck me, as I'm struggling with this, is when and if to have OR talks. However, before problems, did you talk R type talk? I just realized my H and I never really did, it wasn't part of our normal routine and maybe I shouldn't be hoping for something that never was.
Thanks for all the visits...busy weekend so I was not here much. H went with me to my nieces open house..some of my relatives just looked at h like 'What are you doing here" You know who your true friends and relatives are when things are tough. Sunday we went to h brother graduation..had a good time, and then came back as h was starting his first bible basic training class. Funny I was nervous for him, he did a great job..
Dagny..h and I never really talked about anything but kids..work..things like that..we never took the time or realized that we needed to take care of our m..to keep it alive, we just assumed that it was going along ok. We are not fighters...I feel like for the most part that our m was ok..we did not disagree on much..although I think looking back that h would have liked to do or say more..but did not.So now we have not really had any r talks and I know there has to be one sometime.
Hello...h came by with his laundry as son called and asked him to go see the Matrix, as it is leaving the theartre Thurs, I offered to finish it..for a" price"..he smiled..I said for a small load a small hug, lrg one lrg hug..but he left without giving it to me..so guess he did not want to hug me..he was talking so much about all the things going on at church, and while that is great, I did ask him how work was going, he said "ok I guess", then went on about church. It worries me that he is not happy with his job..guess I should not base it on one question. The old me would pry him as to what is wrong or why that kind of response. I will lewave it alone..people at church have asked me if I think he might think about seminary school..I have mixed feelings, but then I am not really a part of his decisions or life right now..
I did not get the hug..oh well..I guess that kinda tells me that for now, h does not have those feelings for me. I have to respect them...just kinda sets me back to wondering if he really does despise me.
He said something funny today when I called and asked him if he wanted to have a 4th of July picnic here with some of our friends from church..he kinda sounded excited about it..he said he should get the grill back from ff that we let her have last year..of course that opened up for me to ask if he wanted to invite her and her "new man", h said they would be at his lake house..I said does she spend that much time with him, h said probably 24/6..I said why not move in and save $, h said he asked he that, but she said she needs her own space..whatever...h also said and this about shocked me off my chair.."You would think she might get d before she starts sleeping with another man"....this from my h, whom I as much as accused of having an a with her. I always felt deep down in my heart, past the pain that I felt, that he respected m as much as I do..things just happened in ways that pointed to me believing that she had some kind of hold on him...I do believe he has seen her for what she is....
Quote: I did not get the hug..oh well..I guess that kinda tells me that for now, h does not have those feelings for me. I have to respect them...just kinda sets me back to wondering if he really does despise me.
Perhaps your H was too focused on your conversation, Sue, and simply forgot? I do know that WAs have so much on their minds that they tend to forget relatively simply stuff. Also, I can't possibly imagine your H despises you. You guys seem to communicate pretty well, regardless of the situation of your M, and you do so often. Sorry you're feeling down...
Quote: You would think she might get d before she starts sleeping with another man"....this from my h, whom I as much as accused of having an a with her. I always felt deep down in my heart, past the pain that I felt, that he respected m as much as I do..things just happened in ways that pointed to me believing that she had some kind of hold on him...I do believe he has seen her for what she is....
Yes, I guess that goes to show our Ses can really figure things out for themselves sometimes. Imagine that!
Stay strong, Sue. How about cooking up some extra pizza?
I know this is a no no.. and I was doing pretty good not asking..but I kinda asked h today if he wanted to see a movie..he said he would..I am so confused if I should be asking him to do these things..if he did not want to, he would say so..wouldn't he, he has said no a few times..BUT am I pursuing him? Am I not letting him go..to think..the space thing..I so much want to be with him, yet I seem to be doing ok without him...To be real honest, if it weren't for the fact that I can't financially make it on my own, I feel like I could go on without him...While I still love him, it has been so long for any reciprocating of those feelings, I feel numb, or strange..hard to explain. But I still get a "feeling", like the old days, each time he walks into a room..or I spot him accross the room. I don't know...if he decides to love me again, or still..what will my reaction be..maybe it is a tad of anger that I don't want to acknowledge.. So..help me out..should I totally stop asking him for ANYTHING....I was doing pretty good on not calling him, and he started calling me for one thing or another..never just to say hi..how was your day.I keep thinking his lease is up in Nov..is he going to make a decision before then. When he moved he did not want to get too much stuff, as he said"he might not be there long". Who knows..I'll take it day by day...it doesn't get worse..but it doesn't seem to get better. I'll take that back..it has gotten much better over the past 7 months...I will be like LL, and realize things have improved, just not as much as I would like..PATIENCE
Hi Sue, Remember on the basic rules of DBing. Do what works that draws them closer to you and over time what works changes.
One of simplest and strongest elements of what draws them closer is ... enjoying each other's company. Once you achieve the stage where they appear to be no longer trying to pull away from you, then you need to start exploring ... do you each enjoy being with one another. I do believe you are at this stage. He has expressed interest by calling more now, wanting to spend time at certain events with you. The more exposure, the more chances of enjoying each others company, the more he enjoys it, the more he will want to be around you and it becomes a snowball effect.
So long as when you intiate contact that you continue to ask him if he wants to, then take his answers at face value. Respect his choice and he will not feel any adverse pressure being applied by you. In time as you build those enjoyable moments, I think you won't have to keep asking, because he will be asking you first.
I believe your taking the right path, Sue. As long as they are comfortable with it, there is nothing wrong with a little friendly persuit.
