in one of my posts i stated i grabbed her forarm once to stop her from getting behind the wheel of a car a nd a bruise formed. her friends convinced her that this was DV. i asked her if she thought i ment to hurt her, and she said it didnt matter. if anyone checked out my myspace they would see im a 4oo pound strongman competetor. it was truley a accsident,. nothing happened the 6 years prior and nothing has happned the 7 months since. she has said everything she can to hurt me this weekend. and i dont get mad, so im unsure were she gets this fear. i just get realy sad. I am a big guy who has talked loud since we first started dateing, but now its to much. she says things like:
my heart dosent belong to you i dont know how or if you fit in my life you scare me friends i dont get mad, i get quiet and tell her i see how she feels. she told me she was going to base our future on how this weekend went. i told her i understood her wasnting a sign, but as we havent spent the night together since December, basing our future on three days together might be unfair to both of us. i told her i understand she needs space, and im clingy right now. so lets just keep thing on her pace
she keeps getting phonecalls from a guy she met near were she lives now. she dosent think i notice that when she gets them she quick delets the contact from her phone. im trying to turn off thre cop in me and not assume anything...
Hound please keep responding. i am trying not to let my ego take over. sometimes she does hurt me and i cant help but cry. i dont yell, i dont accuse, i cry. i love my wife deeply and what i ment by haveing her close was she was sleeping in the bed next to mine, and i had zero contact. i miss her. i understand she is hurting and timid ( i whish i knew if she loved me a little) i just need to be her buddy and re-earn her as a wife. its hard to shut out my want for love as well. She is my best friend and i cant even openly talk to her because, just like the board says, she clams up unless she brings it up.
she did tell our friends she was hanging with that she is seeing changes and likes what she sees, but how does she know they wont change back. so all i can do is take it slow and hang on one day at a time. im trying to strike that balasnce of not clingy but helpfull, and i havent found it yet. i realise im acting a little puppy dog around her, in im going to stop that. i cant detach as thats not what she seems to want either, but i can step beck a little.
