It doesn't seem to matter that I lie my cards out on the table for H he just won't budge.

He threw the card with the note that I had written in the garbage. I came home last night and he was all touchy feely and trying to keep me in convo. That tells me that my assumption about his feelings are in the ball park.
Guilt? I really think so!

He asked me to be patient March of last year and I think for the most part I have been very patient. I have not brought up R talk except when I found her phone # and once when he said he was having a hard time reconnecting in Oct last year. I think thats great considering what Iv'e been through.

I feel things have not changed in the sense of moving forward any more than they have been for the last 8 months. They have basically been the same and no matter what I try in the 180 it doesn't change. He is attentive but still withdrawn enough that lets me know that his MLC is still an issue.

I just need to figure out how much longer im'e willing to hold on.
I deserve to feel loved as much as H does and I know iv'e done all I can to make him feel loved by me and he says it not me it's him(don't know how much of that to believe). I have also really looked at what I think needed changing and have worked on them. My needs however are not being met and he has no desire to discuss it. I need to feel loved in my M and im'e not willing to just settle for a friendship with benefits


I have been thinking a lot about leaving, at least to the downstairs of our house right now as financially I don't think S would be an alternative. Although I do know if we were to D I would be ok. don't like to think about it but I do deserve better. Right now im'e going to get as dark as I can while living with him. it would be easier if he or I were out of the house I feel.

Who knows tomorrow I might have a different view but this one has been here for about two weeks,so time to act on it.

JAK


Last edited by jak58; 03/18/08 12:53 PM.
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez