I struggle with this too about how my wife left the kids and thinks that they will be "just fine". I also Agrre with you that the kids deserve better than this and us as parent need to put them first and foremost.
I know that I just have to wait until she is ready to come back.If and when she does that is when I will let her know that things have to be different if this is what she wants.
Me 36 W 36 S 15 D 12 M 16 Bomb Nov 07 WAS Feb 08 My Sitch http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1376213&page=0&fpart=1