Well, believe it or not _I_ was funny during an interaction with W tonight. She was avoiding me but we ended up in the kitchen together and I made some jokes and was not depressing. I even got her to laugh. It was short lived but fun anyway.
She brought up the subject of a loan her mom had given us and 'when will we ever be able to pay her back'. She said that her mom had asked her about the various lawsuits we are in trying to get paid by the big phone companies and she didn't know what to tell her.
Then W says "She's wondering if we'll get money soon and she probably figures after 'things change' she won't ever get paid back because W will never be able to come up with the money."
It's only $3,000 and W thinks she could never repay that if she had to?
I told W that I was surprised that her mom would even think that I would leave her holding the bag for that loan. I said (like my counselor suggested) that if she didn't know me after 20+ years and know that I have INTEGRITY and wouldn't screw someone out of a loan, that I pay back my debts, then she obviously doesn't know me.
Now, I know that in REALITY it's really W who is 'afraid' her mom won't get paid back. Another 'side effect' of running away.
W said 'You don't have to go into a big huff over this, I was just asking about the financials'.
Whatever.
I told her I would sent her mom and E-mail with an update on the financials and let her know I'd have the money in the next 30-60 days. I know her mom isn't stressing about this at all. More than likely it's W who is stressing. There's no way she could pay back any of the loans we needed to get through the tough times everything was in.
But, don't worry. I'll take care of it. I always do.
Actually, I don't really care any more. I'm going to make sure that I pay off the 'family' loans because as far as I'm concerned they are MY debts because I wasn't running my life properly.
HOWEVER, other debts like the house or car payments are not going to be covered by me. And she WILL pay child support. And 1/2 of the other debt that I can't pay off very quickly.
Anyway, enough of that. I did send her mom an e-mail and I got a simple reply "Hang in there!"
Was talking to Bworl tonight about this whole interaction with W today. One thought is that W claimed she needed to 'detach' from me because she is a 'happy person' who needs to be around other happy people. In our interaction she was kind of forced to face the fact that her actions are causing unhappiness in her family.
But what's more interesting is the reason she started the conversation in the first place - to tell me that she didn't think I was a failure. Why does she need to tell me that if she's detaching, doesn't care?
And then later she tells me angrily that I 'put limits on myself', which seems to contradict the 'you are not a failure' comments. But of course, we know that very often when someone says something like that, they are really talking about THEMSELF.
Seems to me like the detaching thing is to help her not have to feel the pain she is causing me. Just go hang around with those 'like minded people' who are 'happy people'. What a joke.
She has pretty much moved everything that belongs to her out of the master bedroom closets and into the guest bedroom. All her clothes, pictures, books, everything. So now that room is filed with junk and clutter.
What's that all about? It wasn't bothering me that her clothes were still in the closet. But it bothered her I guess. Weird.
I got a lot of work done this afternoon. I feel better about it. And the Lexapro seems to be helping with anxiety.
