Telling my kids was the single worst moment of my life. But, once it was over we started on our new lives. We are proving to our kids everyday how much we love them. They seem to be doing well.
My only advice is to try to be honest with your son. He knows something is wrong. If you aren't honest about the relationship he isn't going to trust you later on. I would work with your H to build a plan to tell him. There are some good books about how to do this right.
I am sorry about this part of your life. I know as a parent we spend every day trying to protect our kids. Sometimes telling the truth hurts for a short time. Lying hurts a lot longer.
Do you think H and I should tell him this weekend, when we are both together??? I just don't know what to do. I always prayed we wouldn't get this far, that H would get his crap together while we were apart and when I moved up there we would be together again, so the kids would never have to know........I just can't stop crying about it, it sucks so much.........
Anyway H is away on business so I will need to call him if we have to talk about it....I will pull myself together first of course..
Thanks Woog. I knew loved my kids more than anything, but never knew this much I guess. Right now I would rather cut off my arm than tell S he can't have his family......
BBJ, As you know we have not told D7 anything and we must be doing a good job of hiding it. I don't think she suspects anything. I know Woog and others went through this....but I am dreading the day we tell D7 and the days that will follow. I am expecting the worse. I feel for you and your son. I am almost as pissed at your H as you are. They (WAS) are effen selfish....end of story. Is it (their selfishness) temporary? I doubt it. I read the posts from LBS and I know that we are not perfect.... BUT.....how can WAS just through a grenade in a houseold and walk???? I would never have the guts to do such a thing unless something major was going on...what does that make me?
Going to bed now. just got off phone w/H. He called to see how Nate did at school today. As you can imagine he got an earful. I was actually quite calm in describing the bedtime meltdown. Asked H what he would have said to S in that instance. H was silent. I repeated question 2 or 3 times, H was silent........HE FELL ASLEEP!
I was so mad. H said, "I have been up since 3 this morning, sorry I am tired"
After all the bar nights out till 1, 2, or 3, after all the hay trips out till 1, 2, or 3. But H is too tired to talk about S's meltdown.
Then I repeat the question. What should I say if S melts down again tomorrow night? H: Just have him call me and I'll talk to him. Me: What will you say? I need to know we are on the same page.
H didn't answer b/c he fell asleep again.
He fell asleep 3 times in one conversation about S. In between naps he said he would just tell S that he will live with Daddy soon. I said, oh, do you plan on taking him from me? H: I guess...
So right now I hate my H. I really do. But I know it is only b/c I have so much love for him, or I just wouldn't give a crap about him. Tonight though, I just hate him. I can't rely on most of what he said or even what he will remember since he fell asleep repeatedly. But I NEEDED his input tonight. And he couldn't give it. Finally I said I was hanging up b/c I called asking him for his help and he couldn't/wouldn't give it, H replied "You didn't want my help, don't kid yourself...."
Well he is 30% right. I called 70% to help S but 30% for H to see the ramifications of his actions/decisions. But he was too tired to care.......
I am going to give you the same advice I gave John. You need to find a way to lose the anger. Not because of how your H feels. But because of what it does to you. It's going to eat you up inside. It's going to poison everything in your life including how your son feels.
I am no saint. I feel it everyday as well. But if you view the issues your H has as an illness it will help you to deal with this better.
