So I keep saying that I have had the worst day of my life, and then I top it.... Tonight I had the worst 10 minutes of my life. Time to put S to bed. He wants in my bed. I say no, if you lay w/me whenever daddy is gone you will lay w/me every night & you need to be able to sleep in your own bed. [Previously when H traveled for work I would let S sleep in my bed] I don't want him in the habit of sleeping with me every night b/c that would be going backwards, over the past 4 months we just got him OUT of our bed on a recurring basis....
Anyway I got into his bed, said I would lay w/him for 10 minutes. He kept saying he wanted in my bed, "I want Mama, I want Mama" he would say in a babyish voice (he is 5 1/2). Then he asked me when we were moving. I said maybe not until his birthday (August). Before I told him we'd move by sissy's birthday (May), b/c I thought it was over w/OW and H had told MC he wanted to fix our marriage. So I was planning on moving into a place WITH H when we got to Iowa in May....So he got SUPER upset, said he didn't want to stay here until his birthday, I had promised him we'd move by sissy's birthday.
[The reason I am changing my mind is b/c as a teacher if I have no job in the summer I can't afford an apartment, since our house will be on the market, we will have a mortgage payment and we can't afford 2 rents (one for me, one for H) on top of that mortgage]
Then as I was stroking his hair and telling him we would figure it out, he started BAWLING!! He was HYSTERICAL! He just kept saying, "I want to live with my mommy AND daddy! I want us to live together in our FAMILY! I want to live with mommy AND daddy!"
WTF am I supposed to say to that?????? We haven't told S anything b/c we were using the "Daddy has to work" excuse for us being apart. When I mentioned that Daddy was taking S to a cattle show all day Saturday and then we would have eggs to hunt on Sunday, he asked, "You AND Daddy will hunt eggs with me?" like he wasn't sure I would come too........clearly he can pick up enough vibes that he knows something is up........
So I truly don't know what to say, since we haven't told S that this is a separation. If it were only for H's job, I could just tell S not to worry, we would be a family again together really soon......I caved for tonight and put S in my bed I just don't want him to feel so sad...
Right now I almost HATE my H for making us go through this. He tells me how much it is hurting him to think of hurting S. Well, HE is the one 1,000 miles away right now. I am the one hearing our S cry. And since S will live w/me the most, I will CONTINUE to be the one who hears him cry...........
I think I should talk about this CALMLY w/H. Don't we need a plan to say something to S??? Like, probably before May? I don't know how I am going to handle it if he starts having crying fits in the night....
I just don't want him to feel so sad... 
