Help me act AS IF, Thread 4

[newnamenewlife]

I am soooo exhausted. We--the four of us--went skiing for a long weekend and had a great time for the most part. On the drive up, we were singing and laughing and being silly and H&I were teasing each other and bantering like we always have. So of course the next day H had to go back into "the tunnel." He was weird and distant with me after that.

At one point, D11 and I were remembering something that happened recently at my IL's 50th anniversary party and she started talking about how she was going to plan a 20th party for me & daddy (that is 4 years away). I kind of went along with it but of course my heart was breaking.

There is NO WAY I can even imagine sitting down and telling our Ds we're splitting. It really just does not make sense--although H seems hell-bent on trying to justify this, so now he displays no physical affection at all, I guess as some sort of "hint" for the girls (see--notice how mom and I aren't affectionate anymore?) But that is FAKE, it is NOT how we have been for most of our M and it bothers me so much to have Ds witness that.

I'm fried--physically and emotionally. My cousin is coming this weekend, friends are coming for dinner tomorrow, H's bday is on Friday and all the grandparents want to come over for Easter. HELP! I feel like I am going to crack.

That's just another part of this drama--that my mother and H's parents have been friends for the duration of our M. We get together for holidays--all of us. H's parents know what's going on, but I have not yet told my mother. I simply don't know how to explain this. She adores H and thinks we're the loveliest couple and family. She is also very irrational at times (and she drinks) and I fear that she would call Hs parents and yell at them or call H and unleash her anger at him for hurting me. Telling her is sure to only increase my stress, so I keep avoiding it.