H-isn't changing. Long list of how he is the same if not worse. BUT here is the turn....I realized today that I GOT THE BEST of him...the best YEARS of him. I know it sounds dumb but it made me smile....can he have a great life --?? sure! but he is doing NOTHING to help himself...the downward spiral of emptiness and lonliness it is there - and it will always be there unless he chooses to get through and see himself- face whatever it is and grow! And he may - at this point I dont know if he ever will. BUT I got the best of him - and that makes me happy.
AND ME?? I am becoming the best me yet and he isn't going to share that. AND THAT is sad. NOT for me -- for him. I was pretty ok in our marriage--- but had baggage. I AM DEALING with the baggage. I AM GROWING, changing...and am becoming the person God intended for me to be...and actually ME- I LIKE. IT is sad that he doesn't want to try and be with this person. BUT IT ISNT MY PROBLEM. Love/Care all that stuff of course...I am loyal like that. BUT knowing that - looking back at it...he gave me what he could -and it was the best of him emotionally, physically all of it.
For some reason this feels like another layer of freedom. AND I LIKE IT!
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
