I don't believe he will ever see me as an attractive option. I'm part of his past life that he says he was unhappy in. He wants fresh & new; that's what he's rebuilding his life with now. He has a house of his own now and someone new that doesn't look at him knowing what he did. That is a very big deal to him; he wants to forget and move forward. I'll always know what he cost us and that is why he no longer wants to be around me.
For what it's worth, I think that's typical. It would take a level of courage that few people have - esp those who left like our Xs. It really has NOTHING to do with YOUR inherent worth as a person or your attractiveness - physcially or otherwise. I know that may be hard to believe, but it is the truth, Hope.
Take care, Nicola
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
Nic, Sometimes people post to you and they have no idea how badly you needed to hear what they had to say. You post above was just that. Thank you. It's been a fairly hard weekend. You take care, too.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
was just thinking of this since yesterday, but on a different angle. I had him at his best, at his peak, the best years of his life when he was healthy and young, no one will ever, not even him, take that away! ever. The new person my H is, I want no part of, his outer shell reminds me of that good man he was, but that's all it is , a shell, the good part is gone.
Amen, sistah!!! I have one more thing that OW will NEVER have. I have his children. Thanks for the reminder that OW has the cheap imitation of my real marvelous husband.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
I feel the same way about having had H at his best.
I had my H when he was healthy, not emotionally weak, immature, and just plain weird.
I told him this about 6 months ago. I told him I was blessed to have had him those 17 wonderful years. I told him I will not ever forget what we had and how wonderful he use to be. I told him I had been blessed beyond measure. He hated that I said this.
Only time will tell if we will ever have it back. I know I have to keep reminding myself that this is not about me - it is his crisis.
Hugs Hope - you are in my prayers..
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
I don't have a lot to add today, but he did text me in regards to puppy pickup date. Now it's looking like 2 weeks from now. And he is not asking me to drive to meet him anymore, either.
He definitely seems in a hurry to get the dog. When he called last weekend he said he wanted to assure me that he wasn't getting any outside pressure on anything at all; he said he knew I'd had a lot on my hands and he wanted to give me a break. Maybe this is coinciding with him finally moving into his own place and feeling more stable? I guess he now feels ready to take puppy back. I am trying to think of how nice that will be for puppy, as he will have a yard again, be able to go to the beach & play, etc. So there are positives for my furry friend.
That was all he texted though; just related to coming to pick up the puppy. I was cordial.
His bday is coming up. I plan to do nothing. I don't even have his new address so I couldn't even send a card if I thought I should. Besides, I'm certain his new gf will go all out for him. I don't even want to think about it.
So despite feeling like I wasn't worth enough to him to turn his act around, I am managing to get through it.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
It is hard to let go of wanting to celebrate their bdays...we have been in the habit for so long. I may be in the minority view, but I say if you treasure your memories, and consider him someone you will always care about, then why not give him a friendly card. JMO. YOu have to be true to yourself, first and foremost.
I wish I had more comfort hope. All I know is, you are a lovely person, with a bright future, who is just currently going through a rough patch.
