Minkerman: Soothing the skittish spouse!

[minkerman]

Hound,

First of all, THANK YOU for taking the time to help. It is appreciated.

I will read and re-read your post, and keep it in mind for every interaction we have.

I have a DB call tomorrow at 5:00AM, I will hopefully get a revised plan from Joann as well.

The absolute hardest part of all of this for me (and this sounds so lame) is that I have trouble convincing myself that calling/emailing/texting is a bad thing. Even though, when I do it, she responds badly! Every time! I can't seem to learn. In the back of my mind I am saying "she has to know that I am still here, and I love her, and support her".

But I also know that she sees my constant initiating of contact as an act of desperation. Mild desperation, but desperation nonetheless. And that doesn't help me or her, does it??

Always contacting her is, I realize, for ME, not her. And that IS weak, not strong.

Today, besides the 2 min phone call to get a phone number (I tried to find by Googling, but it's unlisted) I have not contacted her at all. And I won't.

This will be noticed by her. Even more so, if I don't do it for 2 days. Or three.

So, a good 180 for me, don't you think?

PS: My coach told me that it's not uncommon for her to recommend no contact for 2-3 weeks...she says it's unlikely any harm will come from that.

I would definitely have a hard time with that one!!!