I have had to embrace the "struggle and patience and reserve" referenced by Wanderer over the past couple days. Fact is, W is starting her cycle (she told me that on Thursday when she called me asking for directions to a park to meet up with me for S6's T-ball sign-up. A park she has been to many times) and gets frantic, irritable and just plain bitchy. That came out in full force on Friday when she was at my house so the kids could play on the Trampoline. She asked me to go get the kids some lunch, and I wasn't fully comfortable with her being in my house without me there. So, to remedy that, I went into my room and placed in a bag all my "personal effects" that I didn't want her to see if she snooped, and put them in my car. I was very casual about it. Well, she saw me with the bag and asked what I was doing. I told her that I was gathering up some receipts and paperwork so I could work on tax stuff (which actually was part of what was in the bag). I am staying at our other house for a while while this one gets some remodel work done.
So starts in on me saying things like "sure, I'll bet its all the porn you don't want me to see" and that "you're such a liar". Well, she fully attached herself to the lying thing by saying "you've always been a liar, and always will be. This is why I can never trust you". Her trust me? Boy, did I want to go off on her for that one (restraint, restraint, restraint....). Anyway, I go get the food and come back, and she just won't let it go. So I try to talk to her about it, but no good. She goes and sits in her car, and I tell the kids it's time to go.
Before the kids get in the car, I go back out and chat with her a bit. I tell her that if she wants to choose to think I'm a liar, then that is her choice. If she wants to judge me on my actions, then she will clearly see that she is incorrect. Then, I couldn't help myself....... I ask her "a couple weeks ago, you said in a conversation something about me having my employees sign a waiver that they wouldn't sue me over sexual harrassment issues. I don't know where that came from. Are you implying that I have done something inappropriate, or even was unfaithful to you?" She was silent, then finally responded "it wouldn't surprise me" OK, that irked me, but I held it together and told her "not that I have to explain myself to you, but you know darn well that I have never, ever done anything like that nor had I ever wanted to. I can rest easily knowing that the entire time we were together I was completely faithful to you" I left, then came back for one more thing by saying "that goes to show me a great deal. We are having a lot of problems based on what you perceive to be issues, but have no factual basis whatsoever. You need to think about that". Anyway, the next couple times we talked, she was short with me, not real nice.
Yesterday, I dropped one of the kids off with her, and asked her to step out of earshot of the kids. She did so with reluctance. I asked her something about our finances that needed addressed, then asked her why she is being so hostile with me. I told her that I don't appreciate it and it isn't necessary. I had some work to do and she was taking the kids to see Horton Hears a Who in the afternoon. I finished my work early, called her and said that I'd like to also go to this movie with the kids. She said "I don't care what you do". I let her know that if she had even the slightest problem with it, then I won't go. She said "I just gave you my answer".
Went to the movie, all was well, then we left. For the rest of the day, she was back to being totally fine with me. Spoke to me without the irritation in her voice, and when I brought some dinner over for the kids, I hung out for ten minutes and she acted as though none of the previous days' drama ever occured.
For me, I've made a decision to not let her push my buttons with the ease that she used to have, and more importantly, to just outlast her mood swings. Straight and steady - with integrity.
Haven't heard from her today........ and yes, I'm leaving her alone.
