Well she came into my office to tell me that she needed to let me know that she doesn't think I am a failure. She felt that she had to tell me that.
She told me she is just moving on because she is a 'happy person' and needs to surround herself with happy people who are like minded. She said that being in our relationship has made her so unhappy for so long and that she just 'changed' and needs to go on with her own life.
I told her that I understand the need to be happy because I am doing similar soul searching myself. I told her that this is hard because I'm not angry, I'm hurt. I'm hurt because her quest to 'be happy' always seem to come with there being 'other men' in the picture.
She was angry and said that she couldn't be happy with me or with anybody else. Don't understand that one.
She said we couldn't be happy together because I wouldn't allow her to help me. I told her that I really don't like the use of the word 'allow' in this context because someone doesn't 'stop' you from caring about them, from helping them. I gave examples of how to really 'help' and said that I realize she couldn't do that for me, but that I've learned that is the way you have a real relationship.
She got pissed and went off on how she 'knows' she didn't do a good job or didn't do enough. I told her that I understand the dynamic and don't blame her.
I told her that I have a different view of dealing with problems in relationships, that I feel like you should fight for it and not give up.
She said that we can't have a relationship because there is no more trust.
She cut me off and said she doesn't want to talk about this any more. She has an appointment that she wasn't going to be late for and left the room.
I went out after her and told her that that I wasn't blaming her for anything. She then went off and said that I put too many limitations on my life and that's my problem. She's going to be happy and that she's wasn't going to let me make her late for her appointment and she walked out the door.
I called her cell phone a couple minutes later and she didn't answer. So I left her a message where I simply said that I wasn't trying to blame her for anything, I was only trying to explain the insights I've gotten into our relationship and I'm sorry we had an argument.
So yeah, I guess I am a miserable unhappy person. I can make excuses but they are all in the past. And yeah, what she's doing has had an effect on me, and I've stayed miserable and unhappy.
And yes, I want to be happy. It's hard to do that when everything is falling apart all around me.
So, I better get really used to the fact that she will be gone. No trust, no happy feelings when she's around me, and I just don't see myself changing into a super happy guy in a few weeks. Or months.
She doesn't think she should have had to try so hard to 'help me' in the past, and the whole relationship has kept her 'unhappy'. And she has no trust in my ability to change that part of my life. Maybe I can't until she's gone, I've healed and life has moved on. One thing FOR SURE is that she isn't going to help.
I'm hurting again. I just don't know what to do. She sounds so 'right' and maybe I just wore her out the past few years. Yeah, the affair(s) were wrong but she's been feeling hopeless in our marriage and that's the bottom line.
