Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
I know I still owe a longer update, but quick one is that things continue to go well.
I planned to post this weekend but H and I went out of town, kind of a spur of the moment thing. One of my 180s was to leave the laptop at home.
I am late for work but will post more very soon, promise! I think about all of you regularly and hope you're doing well. I will catch up soon.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Yay!!! It's "Friday" for me and I'm so excited. I can finally catch up with everyone over the weekend. Soon!
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
So finally catching up.. feel like it's been ages!!
It's weird to go from posting practically every minute of your day to wishing you had time to post things from the last week, but I guess it's probably good too.
Alright so first gonna reply to the previous posts I owe replies to:
Superdad As I mentioned.. you missed the key connector between us all, high speed and racecars!!
But seriously thank you. Yes, I DO have high expectations of myself and I get sooo upset when I disappoint myself. It was incredibly weird to me when my parents gave me a Kindergarten "behavior postcard" that told me 1. I am very analytical and doubt myself when I shouldn't and, 2. I am too critical of myself.
In KINDERGARTEN they can see these things??? Wow. I totally believe it's something you can work on as an adult, but man, it's so much more ingrained than you might think.
Thank you for the reminder on the 4 steps. I am doing better on 1 and 2 for sure.. 3 and 4 need practice. It's interesting you called me a role model on the GAL (thank you!) - honestly that is THE first thing to fall away when things are going well. A good reminder for me.
I LOVE the racing. When we first met he was on the pit crew and I had fun helping out, but I honestly never realized how much I'd like the racing. There is SO much that goes into it (politics, attitude, personality, mechanical skill...)... it's pretty cool and interesting.
Michelle Well, work didn't slow down, but I finally slowed down on work. Requested tomorrow and Monday off as vaca (Friday is a holiday for us). When my boss asked why I said "Sanity, it's this or I quit" (jokingly of course). He approved it no problem. I could of course work tomorrow and continue to "catch up" but I'm sooo burned out and I finally recognize it for once so I'm taking the weekend truly off.
Hey you should come out with us to the track some weekend! I'm serious! H has no passenger seat anymore but some of his friends and the instructors do. It really is fun.
Dark chocolate.. true... good stuff. I could still go without it in trade for track rides, though
ST Alllright so bring out that 'vette!!
Actually our neighbor is talking about taking his '06 Corvette out next time, we'll see if he goes for it. I will attempt to wear stylish shoes if that happens. Do race shoes count??
I never in a million years thought this would be a goal of mine but one new one is to 1. learn to drive stick and 2. drive on a racetrack. Don't really have a goal to be competitive in racing like my H is but I'd sure love to try it out!
------------------------------------
Alright so updates.. where to start?? It feels like ages since I've posted so this may be rambly (who me rambly? naah.. ).
All in all... things are good. Really good.
H is trying, hard, and in a way I actually see it. Every day I know when to expect him home (his choice) and if he's late he calls - even 10 minutes late. And in that case, he has a detailed reason and often has friends talking in the background for no apparent reason (i.e. he's helping a friend fix a motor and I'll hear that friend, whose voice I know, talking in the background.). If he's lying he's getting awfully elaborate but I really do think he's being honest right now.
I am disappointing myself a lot because I feel like I am somehow sabotaging it. He's opening up more and I'm kind of.. I dunno.. irrationally snappy or bitchy or something. I hate it!! I say stuff and then kick myself for hours after. GRRR (at myself). I do think I over-react to nearly everything right now, though.
More positives... just highlights from lately..
- If I go out H wants to know who with and if he's met them, and if so even asks me to say hi (new interest in "my" outside life)
- If he goes out he tells me at least a day or two in advance. And reminds me.. and often calls me from wherever he is, unprompted, to remind me again. It's so much it has felt smothering at times although I SO appreciate it.
- A few weeks ago, I know this was risky, but I said I was totally sick of our current life, felt like I was in a rut, and wanted to get away somewhere. I didn't mean or say "us".. I said that *I* needed to. Within seconds H said "Maybe we can go to Tahoe?" [to his Mom's cabin that his grandpa built.. I LOVE that place but haven't been since before the bomb]. I was soo excited about that. Disappointed that he later invited his friends so it wasn't the "retreat" I wanted, but still, that was a big step.
- Several times I've done things and H has said I am "amazing" or "pretty impressive" - for example, I cooked breakfast burritos and packed for racing, he was impressed by that. Then the same night cooked a very basic lasagne for dinner - he originally thought it was frozen lasagne and I said "Heck no, I made this!" He saw it in the casserole pan and realized I made it... then said "Wow you are amazing." He says that a lot.. when I finish laundry, make coffee every day, etc. It feels great but almost fake at the same time - like, it's not THAT amazing, what is he setting me up for?? (another hurtful thing I see me doing to myself).
- He got a new phone. I haven't had the heart to look at the contact #s yet.. but he has made it VERY obvious in terms of photos, quick dial #s, etc. He took my pic last night so it would be the "first" on the new phone. Tonight he verified all my phone #s to make them the top speeddial numbers on the phone. And even went through the rest of his top 10 and added several friends (all people I know). Tonight he was getting frustrated with the wallpaper features and asked me to look through the phone. Sooooo easy to snoop. I figure he either wants me to (and I don't wanna see it, frankly), or he has nothing to hide. I am hoping right now it's the latter. He keeps talking about finally cleaning out his cell phone. can't help but wonder what that means.
And yeah.. falling into a rut again big time!!
I have my cooking club this sat. and a movie meetup planned on Sun - glad for those. I need to get back out and about, again.
Last edited by NikB; 03/20/0807:24 AM.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
