hee, beth, I figured you'd probably know what a hoodsie is. they have red sox logos on them (do they usually?), and I have a bunch left over, so think we'll do a little opening day celebration with them, too.
yep, lwb, I'm hanging in there. and yep, renting a space next year. no doubt about it. or drastically cutting down on the number of kids!
okay, had my first really big crying jag in a long time tonight. just all sucks, really hurts, am revistiting things from last year. but I will be okay. had IC today and had a really good session...we talked about a lot of what I'll be dealing with, and yep, letting those feelings come and that river flow...but also realize just how far I have come, what a different place I am in. and that's a good thing. still, damn, it hurts. but I will be okay...better than okay.
I decided to go ahead and invite h to easter morning (egg hunt/breakfast). before I could, he e-mailed me and asked very nicely if I would mind, that he would understand if I said no, but he would like very much to come for the egg hunt/breakfast. funny, considering how much he has been yammering on about not caring about holidays anymore. anyway, I wrote him back and said that would be fine. so we'll see how it goes. I think it will be okay, and it will only be for a couple of hours in the morning, so shouldn't be an issue. and if its tougher than I expect, well, it will be over with shortly and lesson learned.
not much else to tell. started potty training S3. yes, I know he's going to be 4 tomorrow and should be trained already, but he's a stubborn little thing. no more playing around with it, though...time to get serious. loving, but firm. its not going to be easy, but he's trying and it will get done hopefully in a timely manner. and then that is that...no more pullups! gasp. a life w/o changing diapers/pullups? dare I imagine?????
see, life IS good.
and I do have the best of life. I don't love everything about my life, but I love most of it, and I know how lucky I am right now. and I swear I am a very lucky mom to have 3 awesome kids. they keep showing me in so many ways just how awesome they are. case in point? my S6 is in Kindergarten and they had to do a writing workshop yesterday and write about their favorite animal. what did my son pick? a star nosed mole. yep. I love him. had to google the thing (omg, shudder, nightmare inducing) because I had never even heard of it. but how cool is it that he does???
okay, off to bed. will enjoy their birthday tomorrow...will focus on the good and on THEM, not on h and his choices.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Happy early birthday to your BABIES!!! I hope you guys have a great day, SallyM, I really do.
Glad you are at the point that you can invite H to some part of the holiday. The kids will definately remember that Mom/Dad got along, so much better than Mom/Dad fighting. Truly is. You are strong, you can do this, and you are right. You love your life, just not *this* part of it.
Don't forget to change your signature to S and D4!!!
I survived talking to h briefly when he called this morning. I'll get thru today with him...and will celebrate my babies all day...but wow. hopefully next year the shades of last year will be long gone.
heading to the gym for the first time in over 3 weeks. cannot wait (woo-hoo, endorphins!), although wow, is it going to be a rude awakening. soooo nice to be well again. I swear I still feel like my lungs are not quite 100%, but they are close enough, I am just amazed at how long this is taking to come back from.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
I have long been a lurker on your thread... your journey has really impressed and moved me...
Ah, potty training... this got me out of lurker mode!?!
Fig's got the right idea there... same as my older son (now 18, and nary a diaper in sight, thank you very much!!).
For him, the kid who had been the first in the crowd at virtually everything, it was totally a control issue. And fortunately, we had the dumb good luck to just go with the flow (so to speak). We were also lucky that his daycare/preschool was cool with it, too. He even told us at around 3 1/2, when we asked him didn't he want to start wearing 'big boy pants', "Girls wear panties, boys wear diapers!!"
It will go fine and fast; and with all that has happened at your house in the last year, not pushing him has likely been a wonderful gift for both of you...
thanks ladies. my older son was late on training, too, so not too concerned, but it is definitley time. my d was soooo much easier. but this is my last, and I'm sure he'll get it eventually. in fact, he pooped on the potty today...woo-hoooo! (tmi? well, a lot of us are parents here, so I know you all appreciate my excitement over that). he was so proud of himself, and we went right to target to get his new hotwheel (first pee/first poop gets a new toy, hey, what can I say, it works for me).
the cutest thing in the world was that on the drive over, his twin kept saying to him, "I'm soooo proud of you!" lol. it was very sweet. I swear his brother and sister are as excited as I am about the process.
S4, well, he is just running around buck naked, trying his hardest. and I suppose that's all I can ask for at this point.
am surviving their birthday. actually am doing pretty good considering, and am making them feel pretty special, which is important to me (and the them! lol). and h will only be here for an hour or so today, so think I can make it thru, and have a good cry tonight if necessary.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
in fact, he pooped on the potty today...woo-hoooo!
Hi M,
Not to take the potty spotlight away from your S or anything, but did you hear about that Lady who was stuck on the pot for 2 years? Even her boyfriend was to mentally challenged to know there was an issue there.
Talk about throwing 2 years of your life down the toilet! I bet she felt like crap after that ordeal!
You sound good and I'm glad to see that!
Tom
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
tom, I did hear that...really very sad. obvious some huge mental illness going on. just awful. I can't even imagine.
things here are...okay. very very busy, which I suppose is a good thing. I am still feeling very sad about things...but I can only fit that sadness in here and there, because I have too damned much to do. lol. but yeah, it is still squeezing in. 2 more days till the anniversary of the bomb, but guessing it will be after easter till I start feeling more positive/proactive again. and that's okay. as sad as I am right now, I also can see I am NOT in the same place, not by any stretch of the imagination. and I'll get thru this...just letting the river flow (and flow and flow). not getting bogged down, just feeling some things, reflecting on things, feeling some regrets all over again.
I'm back at the gym again, that nasty flu is far behind me now. that definitely helps. and I scheduled an extra IC appt (I only go every other week now, but added this week because I knew it would be hard).
h actually asked me last week, btw, how I was doing, and commented that this must be a tough week for me. I just looked at him and said yeah, it is. I cried a little, he held me a little, but I didn't really break down. I saved that for after he left. he's been really sweet and really understanding, actually. not that that means anything, which I need to keep reminding myself.
sigh.
okay, enough whining. off to take the twins for their yearly checkup then off to dance class for D4. see, busy busy busy.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
I bet she felt like crap after that ordeal!